You hear about it all the time. On the news,in the paper, and through various interviews. Including courtroom testimonies. They had a fight, I got /he got/she got mad,and said ! And then, whatever it was they said, that is what caused the problem! Now, regardless of what you might have been told, it is not wrong, or even a sin, to get mad. Jesus himself, got angry,and he was a man who never broke the law! So wrath, in and of itself, is not the problem. The difficulty comes in when you act on your anger, rashly. Should you go with it, allow it to overtake you, then your are going to put yourself, and possibly others, at risk for reprisal. Of course, the time for that decision is NOT when you have lost your temper. I know! I used to have a terrible temper,and have had occasion to stage some outrageous scenes because of it. Some of which were so notable, that friends and family still talk about them today! However! Long before my temper, or lack thereof came to the fore, I learned some easy to remember plans of action to prevent those instances into turning deadly or even risky.
So there is your first point in protecting yourself. Make decisions BEFORE the situations arise. For instance; RULE # 1. Never warn them! How many times have you heard of an altercation when the person just got to the part where they said, "I'm going to call the cops!" And that's when he hit me!/pulled the knife/ pulled the gun on me/ran off, but came back later and shot me! Even if the situation warrants action, it is best to defuse the situation for the moment, and take action when you are safe! This rule covers a multitude of possible scenarios, including the good old, "We're through!" " Get out!" and the ever popular, " I'm leaving you!" It is far better,and safer, to bide you time, make your plans, forgo the dramatic declarations,tell him to go change the air in his tires because you want to take a bubble bath, kiss him goodbye,lock the door behind him and then call the cops,pack your bags,and leave! Oh! And don't leave any letters behind telling him where you are going, or a forwarding address card for the mailman! So, now that you have had help in making that decision, before the big confrontation, every time you hear about this sort of WARNING taking place,and the predicable terrible outcome, repeat it to yourself...Never. Warn. Them. I invite you to keep track of how often you will find yourself saying that. It will be a lot! So,repeat it over and over, so that when a time comes for you to take action, you won't have to think about it, you will automatically do it! Honesty may be indeed the best policy,but this sort of voicing your intentions is not being honest, it is being foolish! Honesty is giving back the money you were overpaid, or finding the owner of the purse you found, not putting yourself at risk during a heated confrontation! But now I just have to almost contradict myself. There are situations which will border on honesty and warning. They include, but are not limited to when you are told by a friend that they are involved in dishonest practices...and believe me, I have heard it all. From selling, buying or trading food stamps, to all other manner of welfare fraud,scams, and dirty tricks involving babies. To these people I have one standard answer, before they can even get started giving me details or asking if I want in on the deal. "Please don't tell me anymore. (very casually)I'm not interested in that." Then go on sorting your clothes or whatever you were doing at the time. Try not to react with a stunned expression or any further verbal response such as;"I don't want to hear it,and I certainly don't want to be involved because it is wrong!" Shrug it off, And then, drop it...and your friend. In this way, they will feel that what they said to you was no big deal, and the fact that they even told you about it will recede from their memory quicker, since you had no reaction. Should you point and view with alarm, they will remember, and in the future, if they get busted, they will view you with a jaundiced eye. Then that bit of information may come back to bite you,and as they say, birds of a feather...Then, once they are long gone, you can in all good conscience pick up the phone, but that part is up to you,let your conscience be your guide.
RULE #2. Goes hand in hand with rule 1. It is; Think Things Through to Their Logical Conclusion! It is amazing to me that more parents don't drum these things into their children's heads. An individuals major concern, as an adult, should be to able to make their own decisions. Yet, how is a person to make good decisions when they haven't been taught? As a child, when there was a decision to be made, I sat Yon son down with me,and we would think it through to the logical conclusion. Out loud. One step at a time. Simple, everyday things, like shopping. For example, You have $20. and no more until the end of the week. You go to the store to buy food.We'll assume for the moment you have at least bread and butter already. Should you get the roast for$19.99,or a smaller, cheaper cut of meat,and other things to go with it, to make a casserole or just to fill out the meal? Then you lead him through it. Now, I know you love meat. You can happily eat roast with just bread and butter, and be totally satisfied with that for a dinner. And later on, when you want a snack, a piece of roast again, in a sandwich doesn't sound bad at all. And then the next day, it wouldn't hurt your heart at all to have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But that way, within two days the roast would be gone,and you still have three days to get through. What will you eat then? You see? You would have to go hungry for the rest of the week. However, if you bought the cheaper cut of meat, then you could get some rice or potatoes, an onion, some carrots, milk, eggs, a head of lettuce,and a bag of mixed fruit. You could make a nice dish that would last you for three or four days, and that, along with a salad,and a glass of milk and a piece of fruit for dessert would make a nice dinner. That way, you would have some variety in your diet,and food to eat to last you for the whole week. Exercising the brain became interesting to him, because we started with something he could relate to;food. But we took it to everything that he enjoyed. Skating, swimming, dancing, going out with friends,throwing parties, singing with his group,riding his bike, driving a car, going to the movies,dating, and on and on. We would spend hours and hours walking through possible scenes and it got to the point where my part in the discussions became setting up the situation, and then saying, and then what? He got so good at it, that he began to think things through to their logical conclusion, all on his own! Without Me. Which, of course, was the whole purpose of the Exercise. Of course, in between those two points, there were several instances of my reminding him to think it through to it's logical conclusion,when the suggested activity was completely idiotic. Learning takes time,and effort,and consistency and love. You don't quit in the middle,and you don't give up over one or two missteps.After all, life is a journey,and you don't give life to your child and then send them on their way with no clue as to how to live well, or how to stay alive!
Okay,along with rules 1 and 2, there is RULE #3. Never Have a Confrontation alone! Even if you are just going to the drug store to reprimand them over a missing pill in your prescription, take a family member, and a friend with you. Never invite someone with whom you are at odds to your home to talk about it, unless you plan to have the cops on the premises when they are due to arrive. If you are driving down the road and you see the car or truck of your sworn enemy, turn off, turn around, go another way! Do not enter their place of employment, or their favorite haunt. If they come to your door, don't answer it, just call the police...then call your neighbor or friend to come help you,or call your mom and keep her on speaker phone until the nitwit goes away. If you run into them walking on the street, go to the nearest house or store and ask for help. If you come face to face with them in the grocery store, leave your cart, walk to the front and ask that the manager call the cops to escort you to your car. This is no time to be brave or courageous! A sworn enemy is someone,anyone, man, woman, boy or girl who means you bodily injury and you can't trust them as far as you can throw them! And never underestimate anyone who has ever done you a wrong! They are your enemy!
And finally,the one thing every man or woman has a right to expect from you, is your respect. You might say, they are a low-life, they deserve no respect,there is no common ground, yada-yada-yada,but no. They are a human being. You are a human being. There is your common ground. I cannot tell you the number of times when women have disrespected a man to his face, in his own home,and then had the nerve to be surprised,and came all weeping and wailing to me that he hit her! So the final point of this post is, if you shoot your mouth off to someone, sooner or later, they will be tempted to check and see if their fist will close it. Beat them to the punch, as it were, and close it first. You'll be glad you did.
OUI?
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