By now we have all seen the ugly side of divorce! I dare say, it is rarely a happy thing. Being adults we've witnessed screaming and yelling, crying and recriminations, accusations flying like leaves before an autumn wind. It happens all the time,and lately we have heard of such violence that lives have been endangered,and even been taken so that someone can get out of their marriage. Men and woman, and yes, even children get dragged into the fight, and it just seems to get uglier and more brutal as time goes on. But, it doesn't have to be that way....and I have living proof. Two very dear people whom I love have come to the parting of the ways, and there was none of the aforementioned ugliness. For a long time, they were just really good friends. Then one day they realized that their feelings went far deeper than friendship,and they were in love. From the very beginning, they did it right. No leaping into bed before marriage. They went to church together, they talked about important things,and even though there were many aspects of the relationship that needed to be worked out, they both felt this was right, and he asked her to become his wife. The wedding was small, but lovely, and both families attended, and a lot of friends too. They had the perfect honeymoon,with privacy and a lot of laughter and all that wonderful time alone, and all that that implies. Once they set up the home together, however, there seemed to be some details hanging on from before that still were not delt with. It was a simple, reasonable request from him, that somehow, she had difficulty in complying with. It wasn't kinky, or Outrageous. But when all this talking about getting married was going on, they never once asked one another what marriage meant to them. He didn't think he had to. It turns out, that he should have. To him, being married meant you live together, face life's problems together, share your joys and your woes,and take care of each other,and are mutually responsible to one another as to your comings and goings, and spend your nights exclusively with each other. Day to day, both should keep themselves clean and as well groomed as possible,and strive to please one another. That's what he thought he was getting. As it turns out, she had other notions of marriage. To her, it was an arrangement where you live in the same house, most of the time, you take his name, and he has to accept you, no matter how you dress, or smell, or look. Someone should cook the food and someone should clean up, eventually, but if one of you wants to go places alone, see other people, or spend the night at their mother's house without letting you know, you shouldn't have a problem with that. And if she takes a job that takes her away from home for long periods of time, that should be okay too. Obviously, there were flaws in the union, which they have quietly struggled with for almost four years. Although there were long gaps in their communication while she was away, he continued to try to reach her, and always welcomed her home with love and optimism,forever hoping that this time, attitudes and behaviors would improve. Unfortunately, the reverse was true, and finally, when she came back to town, but did not come home, but went elsewhere to stay, and didn't call him until he tried to reach her to give her some happy news, the man knew that he had to establish once and for all, exactly where he stood. So, she came over on the bus,and we had a nice visit while she oohed and ahhed over a letter for her that we helped her to obtain from a long lost child of hers: but then she had no intention of staying at all, because she had to get back to where she was staying, because she promised to cook dinner for some man's birthday party. Her husband very generously said he would drive her back,and on that trip, they talked seriously. I wasn't there, because I don't mix into their business, but he told me what he said,and it was this;
" So since we have such very different idea's of this husband and wifely thing, What do you say, we just call it quits, and file for divorce? We can still be friends, but this is not a marriage."
She agreed. There was no fight. No arguing, no hollering or name calling. Just a simple agreement, that things had not gone the way they anticipated,and the adult thing, the civil thing to do, was just to bring it to an end before there were more hurt feelings.
In fact, I am probably more upset about this turn of events than either of them. I had high hopes that this would be the relationship that would last, and since they are so much alike that it is scary, they would be good together. I thank the Lord that I had no hand in them getting together, other than to be supportive,and no hand in their differing points of view.
It's over,and they both seem to be more relieved than anything else. They know where they stand, and now they can go on with their lives.
If only more couples could be so reasonable, this would be a far happier, and safer, world.
OUI?
Posted by: Nic | February 01, 2007 at 02:11 AM