THE PERSON YOU ARE, REALLY!! AND WHO IS HE OR SHE?

When you were born, you had certain proclivities,and inherited talents, but you are not the person you were born as.No. Since then you have learned to walk and talk, and understand intangibles and symbolism. Hopefully, reading and writing were in there as well, at least at a level that makes it possible for you to surf the web...although some have not quite yet mastered the ability...(or is it the common everyday politeness?)...to leave a comment. After all, either you agree, or disagree, or if you have no opinion either way, just how difficult is it to click on (0)comments,leave your info, and say so? (Just a simple, I have no response to that, but Howdy anyway!) would be very nice of you. digression over... As you grew, interests and skills became a part of you, but at certain times, they too changed, as you progressed. As a teen, your family and friends began to know where they could find you, such as the drug store soda fountain...the library, or your best friends place,but in time, that too changed. The soda fountain disappeared, you bought books at the book store instead of borrowing from the library, and your best friend moved away,or got a girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever...and you found other people to hang out with. Or, you fell in "Love",and you new interesting person commanded all your time, and you made the mistake of choosing your lover over your friends,and now, you have all new friends, or none at all! But, Hey! It happens! All too often. Then, there is the kind of person we read about in books. You can set your watch by what time they get up in the morning, what they eat is just a given, and you know where they are going to be,what they will be doing, and who they will be doing it with, at almost any time of the day or night! This person  does not exist, unless they live in a pool of their own stagnation, or a cave,or some sort of institution. IE: Hospital, convent, seminary, or prison.Or, they have been trained from early on that this is the way they must live, they are now set in their ways, and haven't had an original thought since they discovered video games.I am sure there are other exceptions, but I am speaking from experience,socializing, research, and imagination. So the idea that you can find someone you knew ten years ago by going to that little place they could always be found then, now, may be a good place to start looking, but don't expect to walk in and see him sitting on that same chair he always occupied when you ran around with him. Individuals change. Life makes us change, or we perish. However. That being said, there is one thing about every human being that will never change. Their nature. Selfish, or generous. Slothful or vigorous.Disposition sunny or morose. Cold or passionate. Disorganized or neat. Clean or dirty. Verbose or quiet. Commanding or a shrinking violet.Drunk or sober, they are what they are,and you cannot change them! What is most confusing and even frustrating about this aspect of the human being is, without fail, they will recognize the irritating or undesirable facets of their nature, and when they are attracted to someone, will try to cover them up with a facade,so that you can't see them for who they really are. But once into that relationship, slowly the facade starts to crumble, and the true nature comes to the fore, when it is usually too late to end the association without someone getting hurt. Alternately, life sometimes causes pressure of one stripe or another, and under pressure, one usually reverts to the true nature. This is the whole reason behind the time honored "engagement period" following the "dating period" of courtship. This is the reason that parents go ballistic when their young daughter meets an older man, falls head over heels in love instantly, and announces they are getting married, right away! Whether they know it or not, this is the reason that mothers fill their daughter's heads with dreams of a fairy tale wedding,in the church, with the perfect dress, bride's maids wearing "unique" dresses,and all that goes with it! It takes an extraordinary amount of money, time, money, patience, money,and stamina to search out and arrange every niggling detail of a big wedding! Oh! And did I mention money?

Ideally, this is the way it works. First off, the man must think enough of his intended to buy her a ring. Not just any ring, but the perfect ring. Real gold and diamonds, so that she doesn't have to take it off whenever she gets her hands wet. It won't do for her to be engaged or wed to the kitchen sink or the shower caddy for a while,just because he's too cheap to buy the best! He has to have a plan for the future,like saving up for a house or a condo, or if they both want just to rent, and avoid the hassle of ownership, then at least be able to sign a lease,and furnish it well,to her likeness, stem to stern, side to side, top to bottom,including an agreed upon, nursery or no nursery! If no nursery for now, but maybe down the road, then both must take responsibility for avoiding an OOPS! Again, HE must pay for it should he decide to make the terrible decision to make this a permanent fix,AND warn her in advance. No secrets or surprises! In fact, the bride should make the arrangements to have them both tested for fertility just before the wedding.

I can hear it now. Oh, but Featherhead! Your making this too hard! With all these conditions,a lot of couples won't make it to the altar! AHA! Now your getting the picture! You know, for years now, they have been moaning on the Today show and in talk shows that it's too easy to get married,and too hard to get divorced. And all along, I have been shouting at the t.v.,"No it's not, if you do it right!" This is it! This is what's been needed! The acid test...the trial by fire! And that's not all! I'm just getting started! You want your marriage to last forever? Then pay attention! When he gripes and gets mad because you both need to meet with the pastor/preacher several times before the wedding, that should be a RED FLAG! Something is not right here! Is he,or she, only pretending to share your beliefs? Don't let it slide! Address it! Confront! Fight? Argue? Good! Keep in mind, they only get worse after the wedding! Break up? Excellent! Pat yourself on the back! You just saved yourself years of agony! And, it's the same for the rest of the list. Late for the cake tasting? Habitually late for every,or even, nearly every shared appointment along the line? Another RED FLAG! Can you count on this person to be there when the chips are down? Well, this may sound petty, but if he, say, can't show up to help decide whether to have white,yellow, or marble cake, then what can they be counted on for? And if he doesn't care what cake to have on your special day, then how many thousands of times are you going to hear, "I don't care" when you ask him what he wants for dinner? I can testify that after a few years, that answer will turn your stomach, and irritate you to the nth degree!

So now that I have laid out the ground work,and set the parameters, you take it from here. Consider all those things that are so important to have to look back on as far as remembering the day you and your special person became one. The invitations. So sweet. The flowers, so beautiful, fragrant,and elegant. The colors of the dresses, napkins, flowers, The bouquet! The music,so romantic,setting the mood just right. The reception...the food and drinks,and all the loved ones who came so far just to see this event. When you open that big white book, on those rainy days, when you need wonderful thoughts to pick you up and make you feel all loved and cared for again, what will you be remembering? Perfection, or "we got 'er done?" I can tell you, you will rue the day you just "settled" for anything, particularly, your mate. Don't just marry because you want to be married,or you think..(or have been told) this is your last chance, like nobody else would want you. That is a lie. And, even if it weren't, it is far better to remain single and enjoy life, than to marry, and be miserable.

And, finally. I wasn't going to mention this, but it is a legitimate consideration. It may be all romantic for him to breathe " I love you" and your heart swells, and locked in a heated embrace you go sliding to the floor or the couch,there to consummate your love,but if, and when you get to the wedding night, and that scene will have already played out,a reenactment will be no big deal. It won't be special,neither to him, nor to you! And worse, he will always know that about you,and decent men have a name for women like that. And you know what it is, don't you? Well, if you turn a blind eye,and deaf ear to all I have warned you about, nevermind. Some day you and he will have an argument, and he will call you that, and then you will know,  won't you?

OUI?

Comments

[Kilter]

In short, the person God made us at birth gets stunted, blunted, diluted, polluted, and oftentimes ruined. For some reason people throw away their virtuous qualities and maintain the despicable. Oh, and they love to throw away their dreams. That's a popular venue as well.