I have a dear friend who was born into money,raised as a Christian, and taught to be thoughtful, kind, and generous. She has never a snob, and all through school she had friends from every economic,and social level. As a girl she befriended those whom no one else would take the time for, even a young lady who had MS. She had the resources to give them a chance to experience things that they just ordinarily would never be able to do, such as taking them out in her speed-boat in the Wisconsin lakes during the day, and then treat them to an evening out at the country club at night. All in all, she has always been just a great person. Of course, I too had a comfortable youth and childhood,and so her money didn't impress me much. I just liked her for herself. We connected on several levels, but the major one being, just because you have money doesn't make you anybody special. How you treat your fellow man is the important aspect. So, as time went on, and I experienced a reversal of fortune, she did not drop me, but got even closer, and she found sly little ways to be a blessing to me and Yon son, without being obvious about it. So, I was in a position to witness how her "love interests" treated her. When I saw things I thought were wrong in the way she was being treated, we could talk openly about the situation. Sometimes she listened. Sometimes she did not. When she didn't, I didn't take it personally; I just worried about her, because it was clear to me who were seeking her attention because they enjoyed her personality, and who was just following her around in hopes of monetary gain. When she finally settled down and got married, I breathed a little easier, because he was a wonderful friend, but that didn't last, and so then she found herself going from relationship to relationship, leaving behind a trail of folks who got expensive cars and the like...ad nauseum. In a fifteen year span of time, she was separated from tens of thousands of dollars,and then she lost the three family members that were her source, lost her string of horses, and had a heart attack, and a pacemaker installed so that she could no longer work. All at once, she found herself on disability, with no money in the bank, and no one to turn to. Her boyfriend who shared expenses with her in her house suddenly dropped her, and took everything of value out of the house, took the car she had traded the Cadillac in to get him away from her,and left her with money owing she could not cover. I did the best I could to help her keep the house, but after three months, my income barely covered my own expenses, and she lost the house, and finally moved into a high-rise. For a while, we lost contact. I think she was embarrassed,and felt burned and abandoned by everyone, but I kept trying to find her, and finally we caught up to each other again...at the foodstamp office. I invited her out for coffee,and when she told me what had happened, my heart just went out to her. I began calling her every night, just to talk. I gave her all of the support and information I could dredge up in order to make this terrible transition she was going through easier. I had gone through years of low wages and belt-tightening, and I knew where to go to get my needs met. She knew nothing about being poor,and I was fully aware she was going to need someone to walk her through it.When we re-connected a few years back, she thought she had gone down as far as one could get, but I bit my lip and forebore to point out to her that she was still doing rather well. Her cupboards were still well stocked, her chest type deep freeze still fully packed,and she had a car available to use at will, and a few bucks extra at the end of the month. If she needed a coat or shoes or a new pair of jeans, she had no problem getting those things. I prayed she would never find out how well off she really was, even as she shared her woes. But, she did. Her own daughter came to visit, and stole from her. She took food, she asked for money,and then proceeded to make dozens of long-distance phone calls on my friends phone.But that wasn't all. She used her mother's good name to borrow from every last friend my friend had, but me..(I think she knew better than to ask me!) Somehow, this child of her's had missed the boat on the brain power to figure out that mom couldn't pull a rabbit out of a hat anymore. She either didn't know, or didn't care, that her mother was trembling upon the precipice of going down that slippery slope to abject poverty,and then, the last push came. Somehow, her daughter convinced my friend to take out payday loans, so they could pay their bills, and promised to pay her back the following week. Now, she avoided telling me about it, possibly because she knew I would warn her not to do it, and she loves her daughter. So, she did it. And down that slope she went. Then the payday loans had to be re-written every month, and the phone bills came in, and now here we are three years later,and my friend has not seen one cent of all that money her daughter owes her,and has had to file bankruptcy.She has sold everything of value she had left,and the stocked up pantry and freezer are completely depleted to the point that when I found out that she was living on milk and lettuce, and canned vegetables, we began having her over for dinner every week,and sending her home with "care-packages". The point being, I have told her how awful I feel that I wasn't able to help her through getting used to going without enough for her to understand, that when you don't have it, you can't give it! She still had that generous mind-set that goes trustingly about doing good things, only to be dropped on it by the very people you should be able to rely upon to be as good as their word.
So, now here we are three years later, and a much wiser friend gets a call from her schoolhood chum in Wisconsin...the handicapped lady whom she once took to nice places and did nice things for. And, good news! The friend in Wisconsin has met and fallen in love with a rich, famous man, and he has asked her to go places and do things with him! We are all thrilled for her, but there are some problems. This lady grew up poor. The only time she had any exposure to persons in wealthy surroundings, was with my friend. She doesn't know how to dress, and is unused to going and getting her hair done regularly. Or a manicure. He wants to take her to concerts and opera's; but at the intermission, she goes out looking for popcorn and a coke,and gets champagne and caviar. When they walk out of a restaurant, she lags behind several steps instead of being right there by his side, as she should be. So now, the riches to rags is trying to give a crash course to her rags to riches friend all the background understanding necessary to make this transition to her new sudden lifestyle to prevent looking, and feeling like a fool,and is having a dickens of a time trying to fill in all the gaps in this woman's education.
It doesn't matter which way you go, rags to riches, or riches to rags, it's just not as easy as people try to make it sound!
OUI?
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