Do you consider yourself to be having a hard knock life? ..Or, do you know someone who is? I am just wondering, because I have some friends who are going through some difficult situations right now,and they believe they are having a hard-knock life. So, when there is more month left at the end of the money, or they suspect the dog is diabetic, or they are having strange symptoms of their own...whatever the problem is, they ring me up and After a few normal, how are you doings?, and Oh, I've missed you too's, they launch into the monologue. So, whatever I am up to, I find my headset, and go about whatever it is, and let them talk, and listen intently, making proper response noises to assure them that I'm not falling asleep, or just bored out of my mind,and they tell me the whole story. I guess they just think that I am a really good listener,and life for me is grand, with no problems on my mind...and after all, who else is going to listen to them? And, since I am stuck here in this chair, what else have I got to do with my time...or I have teased them so many times about going into my blog with their radical stuff, they perhaps now think they are giving me material for todays post. Well, that's alright. If airing their problems to the one person who is not going to go and blab their business to others, and use their names to do it, makes them feel better, then what is the problem? Right? It does seem to help them to put things into perspective to make me their sounding board, and they know that once it is all out in the open, they will get a "there,there poor thing." Some questions as to what they have already done about the problem, and sounds of righteous indignation if they have been harmed by someone, or some new suggestions as to how they might seek further ways to proceed righting the wrong. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not going to tell them they were stupid to do thus and so, nor even indicate that whatever happened was all their own fault. Even if they say it was, I am not going to! They also know that if there is anything I can do to help, I will volunteer, so when they call, I know it won't be to ask me for something, unless they are totally desperate. When a situation such as that arises, I am the first one to chide them for not asking me! After all, I am not without connections. I have a phone,and a computer. I know resource people who know people. I have a son who drives cab,and can find out almost anything anyone needs to know about the area, or who can do what for who, at the drop of a hat! I can make a call and get almost anyone from point a to point b, with just my signature, quicker than most can just make a phone call for information. For example; I got a frantic phone call that three children were stranded at daycare, and there was no parent within 30 minutes driving time to pick them up, and the daycare would be closing in five minutes! The grandmother who was supposed to pick them up had a dead battery, and no one else to help her. I called the cab office, but Yon son was out of town,and couldn't do the trip,but at my request, he okayed the trip to be charged to him, and a cab picked the kids up and dropped them off to me, I signed for the trip and half an hour later, the father picked the kids up at my house, safe and warm, eating cookies at my dining room table. To this day, that dear grandmother doesn't believe me when I say it was no big deal...I was happy to do that for her. That is what friends and family do for one another...it is behavior of love.
But I said all of that to say this. It has occurred to me that rarely, if ever have I done the same thing in reverse, with the possible exception of Yon son, or wifey-poo. When I have a problem, I don't call my friends and bend their ear for hours on end, telling them the whole sad story. If they happen to call, and I am having a bad time of it, or a bad day, or a problem of some sort, they will ask how I am, and if my answer is less than jubilant,they may or may not pick up on a tone in my voice that tells them something is wrong, but more often than not, I am able to swallow my difficulty,and listen to their problem. They are very vocal and forthcoming about the fact that they are not happy. They know that I understand that. They depend upon it. They depend upon me to cheer them up, to help them sort things out and focus on how to deal with the latest bit of ugliness that has raised it's head, because whatever it is, it will not overwhelm me. The truth is I have been blessed with the ability to stand back from the problem,and look at it from all angles,and come up with some sort of solution, or a less threatening viewpoint. Thanks be to God, because when I have a problem, that's who I go to. I can't handle many things on my own,but calling a friend on the phone is not my way. When I got a thousand dollar gas and light bill for one month three years ago, I sat down on the couch,and said, "Father, You've got to help me with this one!" I sat there for about an hour, I guess, while he poured through me perspectives and solutions. Exactly what I was going to have to do to deal with the situation, and come out of the mess this would put my finances in without our having to sell everything we owned and go without food. It was over a month later when my friends found out that we had started calling that very day, canceling cable television,the newspaper, the Swanns ice cream truck delivery, and returning books and magazines and canceling subscriptions,and memberships. And, yes, it was hard to do. No doubt about that. Yet, it was what was necessary to conserve what income we had to cover the basics of life, down to the bone. But we did it willingly, because the alternative was to try to hold on to all those extraneous frills and creature comforts that everybody likes, but nobody really needs. And, for what? To pay out good money that should go for the necessities of life, to maintain a lifestyle that one suddenly can no longer afford? Who cares if people are shocked that we no longer have cable t.v.? For a Status symbol? To have dozens of channels of television to watch, when four is far more than we can watch in a twenty-four hour period anyway? Who needs all those distractions, when there is so much to do just to keep a home going as it is? To have the luxury of a newspaper delivered, when they don't all get read anyway,and if I really want a paper, we can take a handful of change and walk to the corner and buy one.
Now, I would never tell my friends to do this. They prize their big screen t.v.'s and their cable,and I have seen for myself that they would rather go without food, and worry from month to month about paying overdue bills than do without their goodies. So be it. Everyone has the right to set their own priorities, just as I have mine. And, personally, I would rather rest easy, knowing my bills are paid and the groceries are bought, than to have the constant worry on my mind of how I am going to be able to scramble to cover this months utilities, pay the rent, or put food on the table, just so I can sit on the couch half the night and flip from channel to channel. And yes, I may have a few friends who have created for themselves a hard-knock life. They call, and they cry at me, and I try to console them, but they know all the while they are weeping on my shoulder there is another way to handle the short-falls in their lives. From one month to the next, one spends more money on pet food than she does for her own food. But she is not being extravagant. She is just feeding many, many pets. Birds, cats, dogs, fish,and Lord knows what else she has in that house,but she won't part with any of them. And, it continues.She gets a windfall, and she will go out and buy...another pet! So, when she calls and tells me that she has no food to eat, what can I do? I do what I have always done. Prayed for her, that one day she will come to herself and downsize the critter population,and pare things down to a reasonable, manageable group she can support without starving herself to feed! Another friend pays out almost her entire check on housing, and cable. Once again, no food to speak of in the house, but she has a respectable address, a "House Beautiful" home. She is always just one step ahead of the furniture rental places,and has had to resort to asking her boyfriend to make utility payments for her....she goes through boyfriends like a beaver through a board fence. Her children's beds and dressers have been repossessed twice,and she is forever losing her stove and refrigerator. If it wasn't so sad it would be laughable how shocked these two are that I don't have cable, and then have the nerve to stand and wonder why I have food in my freezer,and they don't have any in theirs! Don't get me wrong. I feel sorry for them, I really do. But where does this blind spot come from that makes people throw their money away on nonsense, while having nothing for the important stuff? Continually! It's one thing to get caught short on occasion, but to do it over and over again? Since when did the wants and needs become so mixed up and intertwined that people set themselves up for a hard life when it is completely unnecessary?
It has crossed my mind that perhaps my role as a friend would be better filled, were I to be more open about my problems, and what I have had to do to avoid their situations. However, it's not like I have made it a secret. I just have not shared my difficulties at the time they occurred. Later, after I have sorted them all out,and solved the problems, and they noticed that I, say, had to give up my "Y" membership, so I couldn't go swimming every day anymore, because I just couldn't afford to do that, and do laundry.
Could it be, they have to see the angst with which I must give things up in order to understand that we sometimes have to make hard choices to keep our expenses at a reasonable level? Is it possible that they think it was easy to rid myself of all those fun things,and they are just wishing they were more like me? Do they really think I just don't care to call out for Pizza, or have lost all interest in having my nails done? I used to get compliments on my acrylic nails all the time. They were long, bright red, and shiny, perfect, with a white star in the dead center of each nail, and in the center of the star, a "diamond". Very pretty. Also, very silly. But from time to time, I think back upon all of those things I had to give up, and it takes a while for me to remember exactly what all those things were. Fresh flowers, all the time. Winter and summer. And, I sigh....These are the things I think about at Three a.m.
But then, don't we all.
OUI?
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