Some time ago, a woman looked at a newborn baby and said,"children can't be expected to be clean!" Nobody argued, because there was the proof before their very eyes. But some people, mostly women, all mothers, believed it, and handed down this gem of wisdom from mother to daughter, for God knows how many generations. But with that wisdom, also came a warning, I believe, which has been lost. Which is this: "Children don't arrive clean,so don't expect them to be clean, However,it is your job to get them clean, keep them clean, and teach them to be clean!" So, why is it that some mothers, when their son or daughter's body,outfit or room is commented upon as being not clean, then trot out this phrase to use as an excuse? Everyone with a little smattering of brains knows that children create messes,and it takes all a mother's wit, strength,energy and resilience to stay on top of the messes. As the Red Queen said to "Alice", in the book by the same name,"..in wonderland."
" IT takes all the running you can do just to stay in the same place! In order to get anywhere, you have to run twice as fast!"
No one knows better than I, that a mother takes it as a personal affront to be told her child is dirty. She knows how many times she has wiped off that little face,and changed that shirt all in the space of two hours, in anticipation of a guest for lunch! But then is not the time to just throw up your hands,and give up. Sooner or later, the child will begin to get the drift, but if you give up on him or her before you see them responding to your example,the lessons will be lost forever. This sells the children short, and they will feel the loss of that knowledge keenly the rest of their lives. Yes, it can be a hard row to hoe. You may find yourself running incessantly for years behind a child who just doesn't seem to see the point behind all that bathing and washing and the like. Yon son never had a chance to resist his nightly bath. They started when he was a baby and by the age of two or three, the bath before bedtime was firmly ingrained in his routine...so that when I went back to work, if my mother forgot to bathe him, and I wasn't home yet, he would go in and start his bath water himself! Imagine my surprise when my next door friend had to forcibly bathe her three year old, with the threat, " Tonight you ARE taking a bath!!" I got the definite impression that this was not a daily activity, but perhaps something new I had unwittingly shamed her into, after she stopped by several days in a row...(Just at dinner time, imagine that) and Yon son was always fresh from the tub, running around in spotless pajama's, and slippers, with wet hair! And her child was( day after day ) grimy from head to foot.
When they become teens, you may find yourself quietly closing that kid's bedroom door when you know company is coming, and not putting his or her room on the nickle tour,and having to fall back on witticisms such as :"well, you know, a little boy is a loud noise surrounded by dirt!" But one day, it will all be worth it. The wisdom of the ages tells us that "If you train up a child in the way they should go, when they are old(er) they will not depart from it."
This does not just pertain to spiritual matters. This impacts every aspect of a person's life,and a big part of that life is going to involve cleanliness. Morally, personally, spatially. Now, unless you want your sons and daughters to turn into filthy pigs, you have to take steps to prevent it! It's just as simple as that. Don't make excuses for them when they are small, and then expect them to be neat and clean when they grow up. Without your intervention, and constant,consistent urgings, it just isn't going to happen!
And, don't think that you can make this argument to avoid having to keep them, yourself or your dwelling clean, declaring it a losing battle, because parents who do that are just trying to keep from having to do the work! Not only must the work of cleaning, bathing and laundry be done, but you must also teach them how to do it, and put them to work helping you do it. They may balk, gripe and scowl, but you must persist, for otherwise, they will never learn,and I have seen grown children who never learned, and believe me, the sight is not a pretty one! Your kids may not seem to notice or care now whether they, or their home is clean or dirty, but trust me, they will take their cue from you!
So, let's just suppose you gave up on them, and twenty years in the future, your son or daughter comes to you and says, Mom, you did this to me! I can't keep a job, I can't find a good mate, and it's all your fault,because you didn't teach me any better!
But wait! Let's turn that around. You stay after them,even though it seems to be useless. You keep after them to bathe, cut their hair, shampoo often, brush their teeth, wash their hands after each trip to the bathroom, and always wear clean clothes...and a little washing and ironing, and cooking and cleaning isn't going to hurt even your boy's lives either. For every grumble or scowl or complaint, you automatically come back with..." I'm not going to be around to pick up after you when you're twenty-one, you know. You've got to learn to take care of yourself." And," Taking out the trash is just another form of weight lifting!" ha ha. And to the old, " Why do I have to learn to cook? I'm a guy!" Yeah, well, I'd just as soon know you can do things for yourself, so that you don't marry the first girl who'll have you, just so you have someone to take care of you!" That usually stops the rest of the argument. And twenty or so years in the future, when you least expect it, your son or daughter steps up to you and says, " Thanks Mom. I am so glad you made me appreciate a clean home, clean clothes,and the feeling of being clean! I just ran into John, and I gotta tell you, I am so glad I didn't turn out like him. He is a slob,and his house is a pit,and he just lost another job because he won't take a bath!"
John. I remembered him, and his mother. She was so caught up in other things, she had no time to keep after her kids, and teach them how to be clean. It was easier to just do it herself, than teach them how. She always told me there would be time, later, when they were grown up, to have a nice long talk with them,and she would straighten it all out then. John's mother died a few years back..poor thing...and I don't guess she ever got around to that talk. Not that it would have made any difference, because her house was always a pit, anyway. And children don't learn by the don't do as I do, do as I say routine. What the parents do in moderation, the children will do to excess! In thinking about John's mother, I shook my head and sighed,but Yon wasn't done yet. He went on and on,telling me what a wonderful mother I was, and what a great job I had done in training him to be neat and clean and self-sufficient,and it got a little strange,until I started to blush and laugh and said stop! Stop! So he came over,and kissed the tip of my nose,and finally went back to what he had been doing,and so did I...but with a warm glow inside. Such praise from my boy,after all those years of struggling. I felt such a relief, I sighed again. It hadn't been all for nothing.
Children will rise to your level of expectation. I have proof! If you expect nothing, you will get nothing. But if you expect them to be wonderful, decent, clean,helpful, thrifty, brave,reverent human beings,with a good work ethic,and not lazy filthy slobs, that's exactly what you're going to get,just so long as you never give up on helping them to attain that goal....with Love.
OUI?
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