Few know this about me, but I am about to reveal it now. I have always looked forward with great anticipation for the day, when I would be blessed with a grandchild. Yon son knows this, and he too, wants more than anything to be a father.Not just to please me, but because he loves children, and has no way to interact with children, in the present day climate.It is a grief that we rarely speak of, since it is so strong. For years, I have sought the Lord on this, and there seemed to be no answer,until one night, I was given a dream.I cannot recount the dream, exactly, but at the ending of it, the Lord dropped this into my heart." The more children you love, the more woes you will endure." I wondered about this for a long while,and then, accepted what the Lord had said, even yet, still wanting those grandbabies. And, frankly, I haven't thought about the dream, or the Father's words for a long time, until tonight.That said, I have this friend. She is a wonderful,loving person, and she has a daughter who has had no problem producing a lovely healthy family. She has six children, and was the sweetest, nicest little wife and mother that you ever saw. Her home was always clean and well ordered, her children clean and well fed. That lovely young woman could do it all, and I was so happy for my friend that she was so blessed.It was never any surprise to me that every get-together and phone conversation was well peppered with references to her daughter,and the delights of the growth and achievements of her grandchildren. I expected to hear about how big they were getting, how clever they were, and smart and pretty and wonderful...and how grand it all was to have a big family Christmas with everybody there at my friend's house...and if I allowed myself to go there, on occasion, very briefly, I experienced pangs of envy. I would sit in my nice quiet kitchen, watching the snow fall outside my window, alone on Christmas day,(for of course Yon son always has to work on every holiday) thinking of times past with my own family, with all the uproar and confusion, and singing and gift giving,the colorful packages and the fun of trimming a big tree, and wonder why. What went wrong that I had no big surging family to spoil? I never said anything to anyone about it, for it would only hurt Yon son, who always spoiled me rotten on every holiday, and still does. And, I certainly would never let a word pass my lips to my friend of how I felt, because that would only inhibit her joyful expressions of a wonderful life. Why shouldn't she brag and go on and on about her family? In her place, I probably would do the same thing...unless I knew how another person might hurt over it. So, I bit my lip, and swallowed my envious thoughts,and forgot about it. Over the years, our trees have gotten smaller, and our decorations for Christmas have become less festive, but we always kept the day as best we could, exchanged presents,and sang carols,and watched all the movies, baked cookies, and cooked a wonderful dinner, and ignored the fact that there were no little tots to enjoy the day with. No curly haired babies to tuck in and read stories to, no Lionel trains or pretty dolls under the tree.
But, over the years, other changes have come about, with my friend too. Her daughter has changed husbands...three times. She got jobs and hired babysitters,and found reasons to be away from home,and suddenly, the house wasn't so clean, and neither were the children. Holidays have come and gone, and several of them, my friend has spent wondering where her daughter,and her grandchildren were. Why her daughter wasn't calling her, or coming around. My friend has a heart condition now,and can no longer maintain her own house, so there is no room for big trees, and no room for the whole family to gather there, either. Every birthday of one of her grandchildren that comes up, she wonders why she can't see that little tyke.
While on the phone with my friend tonight, she told me of her anxiousness over her grand kids, and how the doctor has warned her not to keep stressing over these things, because it just makes her heart condition worse. What she really can't understand is the way her daughter has given custody of all six children to their fathers,and is currently off running the streets in another state, doing God knows what, with God knows who,and the two step-mothers of my friends grand kids say they want her involved in the children's lives, but when the time comes for them to pick her up so she can be at the birthday party, or just a nice family dinner, they leave her hanging,and don't even pick up the phone and tell her they changed their minds, or can't come or whatever has changed the plans.Obviously, there isn't anything I can really do to help my friend's situation. All I can do, is listen, and sympathize, and try to give her what little support and solace there is in that.But, as I told her how sorry I was that she had been dropped on being with that dear little one on her birthday, it hit me. This is what God was trying to tell me, all those years ago. Now that I have gone on, and put my energies in other things, and gotten closer to the Lord....Now that Yon son is happy with his wife and his life as it is, and has the garden and his singing, and his job,and has also experienced spiritual growth,it is now clear to me that the Lord, in his wisdom, knew what might have happened....what was going to happen to my friend,and that I might very well have been in the same position,and how much worse it would be for me to be torn apart by not being able to see my grandchildren, just as my friend is being torn apart. Imagine having six little precious treasures out there, living with people you barely know, who are part of you,and you have absolutely nothing to say or do about what happens to them.
I grieve for my friend. I grieve for my friend's daughter, who will wake up some day and realize what she has thrown away, and want back, and there will be no way she can get them back.
But most of all, I thank God that he spared me, and Yon son that almost unbearable pain,and that he saw fit to give me that word so long ago, to let me know he was not withholding a blessing,but that the withholding, was a blessing in itself.
Praise be the name of the Lord.
OUI?
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