I know this is a huge, huge question, and most people wouldn't touch it, but since I have been there for both these scenarios, I think I can speak with some authority,because the truth is, the answer is the same for both. You know that little "pen" men are born with? The one they are so proud of, they just want to show it to every girl they meet, and in fact, want to dip it into every "inkwell" in sight? Well, the fact is, even if they "think" they are in love with a woman, and marry her before they've had a chance to grow up themselves enough to know who they are, and take the time to find that lifetime partner that suits them best, in time they will grow tired of the same old "inkwell", and go looking for another. Even those whom you would never suspect of being tempted to be unfaithful, or wanting to cheat, will at some time or another, have those thoughts.And, as all women know, men are basic human beings.Not that they are not capable of complex thought, or reason, but they are more subject to base level gratification. Hungry? Eat! Horny? Uh-oh! Usual inkwell not as attractive as it once was! Must find other inkwell! And it doesn't even mean he doesn't love you anymore. Men can do these things for the most insignificant reasons. It can be as simple as the idea of "strange" excites them. Let's face it. The phrase, "Variety is the spice of life" had to have been coined by a man! Sometimes, all it takes is the sudden realization that they no longer have the option of dipping their pen into another inkwell besides the one they are with or married to can set them off. It positively scares them! Add to that the common knowledge that a man of any age, can date and dip a woman of any age he chooses without, censure,and without too much fear of rejection, and you get the idea.The playing field is wide open.Sad but true, you and your husband can be the same age, both of you getting older, graying at the temples, and having put on a few extra pounds, and a woman's self-image can take a beating, where a man is just then considered more " distinguished." However, don't dispare. If this has happened to you, and now you are alone, and lonely, you have no one but yourself to blame.Now, you didn't cause the break-up, and you probably couldn't have reversed it, or prevented it.But, if you are just sitting there, feeling sorry for yourself, then you have forgotten the power you hold over men.Get yourself out of that rut, or rocking chair, get your hair done, buy a new outfit, and go places you like to go, and it won't be long before some nice fellow is showing interest in you. But for Gods sake, don't follow the usual divorced pattern, join a gym, go on a crash diet, and learn a new language or pottery or yoga! Be yourself, eat healthy, and wear classicly nice clothes, don' t go dressing like your daughter, or granddaughter, and soon you'll have a swarm to choose from. And, don't be afraid to be picky! Have fun, but protect yourself too! And for goodness sakes, don't be princess round-heels either. You know the kind. The minute the first man nudges her, she falls over on her back? Remember that in their heads, men are just as provincial as ever. After all, they may be searching for a new inkwell, but you don't have to make it easy for them! That is, unless, of course, you prefer to be alone? Now, that may sound like a snide remark, but I am serious. Once you get over the shock, you might find it rather nice not to have to pick up after someone else all the time.To have the whole bed, and all the covers to yourself for once,and for that matter, to go to bed, and get up whenever you want to, with no demands on your time, patience and energy.At the risk of sounding peculiar, I found that, after the last break-up, the sound of quiet was rather pleasant on a Saturday night, rather than another ball game.My surroundings took on a whole new aspect, once Mister messy was no longer there, to pursue his activites of peeling the silver foil off cigarette paks, and rolling them into little balls, and then piling them up in the ashtrays,along with his attempts to lob empty beer cans into the waste paper basket,and missing dreadfully.After some thought, I realized that I had spent umpty-ump years married to a recliner that drank beer, burped and broke wind all week-end, and never even combed his hair unless we were going out in public. I, on the other hand, was expected to look good all the time, and be ready for romance even if I was sick.I did all the cooking and the cleaning, the shopping, laundry and bill paying.But, that was the deal.He said, " I make the money. You spend it." I thought it sounded good.And, to be fair, he was a good provider. He went to work every day,sick or well, or injured, and at the end of the week, he brought me his paycheck. What I didn't know, was that also included doing beer runs whenever he wanted, and that stood even after I got saved and quit drinking.Somewhere in there, he also managed to absolve himself of the task of taking out the garbage too. So when his roving eye caused the break-up, I had a lot to think about! By the time he was ready to come home and appologize, and ask to be taken back, I was completely cured of the man forever. I had no trouble telling him no. I even had to slap his face to convince him that I was serious.The funny part is, I still loved him, and he knew it. I knew he still loved me as well.He stood there with the most befuddled, bewildered look on his face, as my handprint came clearly red upon his cheek.
He said,"You really mean that, don't you? You're not just punishing me, your serious!"
I nodded."That's right honey.See, you made the mistake of leaving me alone just long enough so that I now know, I don't need you. You need me, and I'm real sorry, but I am done running after you with a velvet pillow.I'm all done taking care of you. Now, I need someone to take care of me...or else, I'd rather be alone." That wasn't the end of the conversation, but it was just more of the same. He had rather a bad time accepting the fact that just because we still loved each other wasn't a good enough reason for me to take him back, so, I was forced to remind him what I told him about former boyfriends and ex-husbands.
" I don't go back for seconds when it didn't work out the first time.It's very embarrassing to look as though you've made the same mistake twice. You've already cheated on me once, and second fiddle is one instrument I've never learned to play!"
OUI?
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