THOUGHTS AT THREE A.M.

THINGS WE OUGHT TO DO

IN A SIMPLER TIME, THERE WAS A SONG THAT SO SUMMED UP

RELATIONSHIPS, AND HOW THEY SHOULD BE HANDLED, AND IT'S BEEN

RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD ALL EVENING. NAGGING AT ME.

...THE LITTLE ORDINARY THINGS THAT EVERYONE OUGHT TO DO......

THINGS, I SUPPOSE LIKE, WASH YOUR FACE, BRUSH YOUR HAIR, MAKE

YOUR BED. BUT, THAT WAS A MORE SIMPLE TIME. NOW, THE LITTLE

ORDINARY THINGS HAVE MUSHROOMED INTO A TRULY PONDEROUS

LIST. RETURN PHONE CALLS. GO TO THE BANK. PICK UP  JOHNNY AND

JANIE FROM DAY CARE, AND TAKE THEM TO THE RESTAURANT TO

MEET THEIR DAD. PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING. TAKE DOWN THE TREE.

ADDED TO THE BED MAKING AND THE HAIR BRUSHING AND THE FACE

WASHING...OH, BUT NOW WE MUST MOISTURIZE AND TONE OUR FACE,

AND THEN PUT MAKE UP ON IT, AND DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN!

WE MUST HAVE OUR DAILY BATH OR SHOWER,AND THEN MOISTURIZE

THE WHOLE BODY,AND PUT SUN SCREEN ON IT TOO. WE MUST PUT

LOTIONS AND POTIONS ON OUR FEET, AND CLIP THE NAILS, AND

SCRUTINIZE EVERY SINGLE MOLE, WART AND FRECKLE FOR CANCER,

SCRAPE OFF EVERY SINGLE HAIR, EXCEPT FOR THE EYEBROWS AND THE

TOP OF THE HEAD, AND MAKE SURE THAT WHAT WE WANT TO KEEP IS

ABUNDANT AND NOT LIKELY TO BE SHED UNTIL WE ARE SENILE.

WE MUST HAVE OUR EYES CHECKED, OUR TEETH CHECKED AND

WEIGH OURSELVES JUDICIOUSLY,AND GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR

CHECK-UPS AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. HE WILL HAVE YOUR BLOOD TAKEN

FOR MYRIAD TESTS TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE SOME DREAD

DISEASE,ASK ABOUT YOUR SLEEPING HABITS, EATING HABITS AND

WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH YOUR BATHROOM

HABITS. AND, AFTER ALL THAT, ALL YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IS GO

HOME AND FALL INTO AN EXHAUSTED HEAP, BUT YOU HAVE FOOD TO

BUY, SO YOU GO SHOPPING FOR THAT. AND YOU HAVE CLOTHES

YOU HAVE TO HAVE, SO YOU SHOP FOR THAT TOO. BUT THE ORDINARY

THINGS YOU MUST DO  AREN'T OVER. IF THE DOCTOR DETECTS A

"CONDITION", YOU HAVE PILLS TO BUY, AND TAKE, AT REGULAR TIMES...

WITH OR WITHOUT FOOD, MAYBE WITH THIS KIND OF MEDICATION,

BUT NEVER, EVER WITH THAT KIND, AND LOOK OUT FOR THE SIDE-

EFFECTS. TAKE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH, OR NOT. DO NOT TAKE WITH

ANTACIDS, OR WITH GRAPEFRUIT JUICE. IF YOU ARE SMART, YOU WILL

READ EVERY STINKING WORD THAT ACCOMPANIES THIS NEW

MEDICATION, JUST SO YOU DON'T GET DEAD BEFORE THE DOCTOR HAS

A CHANCE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. AND, DURING THIS SMALL THUMBNAIL

SKETCH OF WHAT LIFE MIGHT THROW YOUR WAY, OF THINGS YOU

OUGHT TO DO, CAN YOU SIGHT ONE SINGLE THING IT WOULD BE OKAY

TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FORGET, BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT OF THE ONE

YOU LOVE, AND ALL OTHER THOUGHTS WENT AWAY?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE GODDESS OR GOD OF LOVE FOR THAT

PERSON AT ALL TIMES, AND BE READY AND IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE

WHENEVER! A LITTLE WOOD SPRITE OR LEAPING GNOME WHO

GAMBOLS ABOUT, STREWING POSIES IN THEIR PATH AND THINKING

OF DELICIOUS THINGS TO DO TOGETHER! SITTIE DOWN PICNICS IN

REMOTE WOODED AREAS WITH ICED BOTTLES OF SPARKLING WINE AND

SILVER DISHES FULL OF DELICACIES THAT WILL BRING YOU BOTH TO

A CRESCENDO OF PASSION THAT WILL MAKE YOUR HEARTS BEAT

FASTER  AND MAKE YOUR HEADS EXPLODE. AND LATER, AS YOU

LANGUISH IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS, YOU CAN'T VERY WELL SNEAK

A PILL OUT OF YOU POCKET AND POP IT IN YOUR MOUTH! WHAT A

WAY TO RUIN A MOOD!

SO, YOU HAVE THIS DICHOTOMY. ON THE ONE HAND, YOU MUST TAKE

CARE OF THE DAY TO DAY RESPONSIBILITIES, AND ON THE OTHER,

YOU MUST BE ROMANTIC, AND TEND YOUR LOVES NEEDS AND

DESIRES, FOR, AS THE SONG SAYS,

THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU, AND I FORGET TO DO, THE LITTLE

ORDINARY THINGS THAT EVERYONE OUGHT TO DO.

I SEE YOUR FACE IN EVERY FLOWER, YOUR EYES IN STARS ABOVE...

IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU

THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU

MY LOVE....

HOW SWEET. YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THE AUTHOR HAD IT IN MIND

THAT WHILE HIS LOVE WAS DOING THE DUSTING OR RUNNING

THE CARPET SWEEPER, SHE WOULD SUDDENLY STOP AND THINK

ABOUT HIS EYES AND FLOWERS AND  THINGS, DO YOU?   OR, WHILE

WASHING THE BREAKFAST DISHES, SHE WOULD START TO GAZE OFF IN

SPACE, BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT OF HIM,AND END UP FLOODING THE

KITCHEN FLOOR?

IT'S A NICE SENTIMENT, BUT HARDLY PRACTICAL IN THIS DAY AND AGE.

IS IT ANY WONDER, THAT AS OUR LIVES BECOME MORE COMPLEX,

ROMANTIC LOVE IS SHOVED ASIDE?

TOO BAD.

SO SAD.

LOVE SONGS LIKE THAT ONE GO ON AND ON,

AND KEEP RUNNING AROUND IN MY HEAD, AS THOUGH SOMETHING

LIKE THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME, WHEN I KNOW, IT CAN'T LAST.

WE CAN HOPE FOR MOMENTS, ONLY.

AHH! BUT, FOR THOSE MOMENTS, ONE LIVES...

OUI?

FRUSTRATION!

EVER FIND YOURSELF SO FILLED WITH FRUSTRATION THAT YOU JUST

TINGLED WITH IRRITATION FROM HEAD TO TOE? EVER FIND YOURSELF

GROWLING, NOT AT ANBODY OR ANYTHING, BUT JUST AT THE

SITUATION? HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO STUPID? IF THE ANSWER IS YES,

THEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AT THIS MOMENT.

HOW CAN ANYBODY BE SUCH  IRRITATING, VASSILATING,

MADDENING AND INFURIATING IDIOTS? IT'S LIKE THE HOLIDAYS.

YOU TELL THEM PLEASE COME OVER, THEY DON'T. YOU TELL THEM,

PLEASE DON'T COME, WE'RE ALL SICK HERE, AND THAT'S WHEN THEY

CHOOSE TO "DROP IN TO CHAT" YOU SAY, I GOT YOU SOMETHING

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE HAVING A BAD TIME, AND NEEDED

SOMETHING TO PICK YOU UP. I DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING. THEN,

THEY SPEND THE WHOLE TIME MOANING HOW THEY COULDN'T GET YOU

ANYTHING. DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING IN RETURN, I ALREADY

TOLD YOU THAT! PAY 'TENCH!

OUI?

WHAT IS THAT NOISE?

HERE IS THE SCENE:

PUT ANY TWO OR MORE PARENTS INTO A HOUSE, ADD ANY NUMBER OF

CHILDREN ABOVE THE AGE OF FIVE, AND A SOUND SYSTEM WITHIN

THEIR REACH, AND SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL HEAR STRANGE

SOUNDS  ISSUING FROM THE DISTANCE. NATURALLY, THE FIRST

RESPONSE WILL BE "WHAT IS THAT NOISE?" SEVEN OUT OF TEN TIMES,

IT WILL BE COUNTERED WITH,"IT'S MUSIC!" EVEN THOUGH THE

BOOM-DE-BOOM-DE-BOOM THUDDING THROUGH THE HOUSE WILL

BELIE THAT DESCRIPTION,A GREAT MANY PARENTS WILL EITHER

A. SHOUT, "TURN IT DOWN TO A DULL ROAR."

OR

B. SHOUT, "TURN IT OFF!"

OR

C. SHRUG, AND SAY SOFTLY,"OH WELL." AND TRY TO GO ON WITH THEIR

CONVERSATION,EVEN THOUGH, BY NOW, ALL THE ADULTS IN

ATTENDANCE ARE BEGINNING TO FROWN WITH THE  HEADACHE THE

MUSIC IS CAUSING, OR GONE INTO ANOTHER ROOM, IN HOPES THAT

THE NOISE WON'T BE SO BAD THERE. NOT THAT ALL THE MUSIC

COMING OUT TODAY IS BAD. IT ISN'T. SOME IS QUITE LOVELY AND

VERY ENJOYABLE...BUT TYPICALLY, NOT ALL. REGRETTABLY, MOST IS

OF THE NOISE FOR NOISES SAKE VARIETY, AND KIDS, UNLESS TAUGHT

BETTER, HAVE NO TASTE. NOW, BEFORE YOU DISAGREE, THINK.

KIDS COME INTO THIS WORLD NO BETTER THAN SAVAGES. THEY HAVE

TO BE TAUGHT HOW TO SPEAK CORRECTLY, WALK, EAT,DRESS AND

COMMUNICATE, ALL IN WAYS THAT MAKE THEM PLEASANT TO BE

AROUND. MOST PARENTS KNOW THIS, AND DO THE JOB OF TAMING

THEIR OFFSPRING QUITE ADEQUATELY. AND, IT USED TO BE, THAT

IN THE AREA OF MUSIC, CHILDREN WERE SCHOOLED PROPERLY AS WELL.

BUT THIS ASPECT OF THEIR EDUCATION SEEMS TO HAVE, FOR THE MOST

PART, FALLEN BY THE WAYSIDE. AND, I HAVE TO ASK, WHY? IS IT

BECAUSE THE PARENTS ARE NOW THE GENERATION THAT WAS SO

ENAMORED OF ROCK AND ROLL, THAT THEY REFUSED OR JUST DID NOT

RECEIVE PROPER MUSICAL INSTRUCTION THEMSELVES? POSSIBLY.

BUT IT DID NOT TAKE INSTRUCTION FOR THEM TO BE EXPOSED TO

GOOD MUSIC.  SO, THEIR PARENTS FELL DOWN ON THE JOB, TOO.

JUST BECAUSE ONE DOES NOT WISH TO HEAR CLASSICAL MUSIC ALL THE

TIME, IS NO REASON NOT TO EXPOSE THE CHILDREN TO THE OLD

MASTERS, THEREBY GIVING THE NEXT GENERATION A SENSE OF GOOD

TASTE IN MUSIC.

WHAT IT TAKES, I SUPPOSE, IS AN ADULT WHO HAS A LOVE OF CLASSICS

WHO WILL PLAY THE MUSIC,AND TEACH THE CHILD TO ENJOY AND

APPRECIATE FINE ARTS, JUST AS THEY, HOPEFULLY, WILL TEACH

THE CHILDREN ABOUT NOT ONLY HAMBURGERS, BUT STEAK AS WELL.

OR, A PARENT WHO LOVES THEIR CHILDREN ENOUGH TO SAY, LET'S

EXPLORE THIS GENRE OF MUSIC TOGETHER, WE MIGHT FIND SOME

THING REALLY WONDERFUL.

OUI?

SPEAKING OF LOVE...

Speaking of love, isn't it something, when you love someone for years and years,

and they don't even seem to know your alive, or understand where your coming

from when you are ready to jump and run at the slightest crook of their finger?

When you are invited out, and you dress to the nines, but they don't know why?

How does it happen, that you respond only in the most positive ways, and give

complete encouragement, and they still don't get it? Of course, you yourself

can be completely smitten by someone, and not realize what it is,yourself.

Do we fail to make that connection because the object of our affection is only

looking for a certain type, and doesn't consider you? Have you been relegated

to the classification of simply"friend"? Perhaps, it is necessary to investigate

the situation further, to understand, fully, what love really is.

FIRST, love is not just an emotion. It is a decision. You can feel love for a person,

but if it is never acted upon, then sooner or later, it will dwindle and fade.

SECOND, love is a behavior. If you are mouthing all the right words, but never

stick your neck out, never do a loving kindness, or ever demonstrate compassion

for the things that intrest them, or their troubles, then what good are you?

Do you really love someone whose day to day problems do not bother you?

When you talk to them, are you only waiting for them to stop talking, so you

can talk? DO  YOU LISTEN? No? This is not love.

THIRD, Do you fight? When you comunicate, is it always an arguement

starting? Or,when you have a difference of opinion, does it turn into a shouting

match? Is there name calling and back biting? Do you dredge up old hurts and

throw them into your lover's face? None of these are acts of love.

FOURTH, Is the sex act the thing, to you? Or, to the one you love?

If you don't "get it" all the time, do you feel unloved?

SO, how do we detect love, and how do we show our affection?

WELL, right off the bat, let's talk about sex. It is a biological function, and has

very little to do with actual love. Men seem to be able to seperate the two, for

the most part, very neatly. Oh, there are those that use the line,"If you loved me

you would..." but as I say, that is just a line, used to get women into bed, because

they are in the mood.  You should not construe that as a declaration of their love.

That's not what they  mean when they say that. Enough said ? OKAY. BUT,

On the other hand, there are just as many women, as men, who seem to think

that if HE isn't panting after their body every waking hour of every day, then

there is something wrong with him, or the relationship, or she is somehow lacking

in some way. I will be very clear and upfront on this so you can't possibly miss

my point.  SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE. LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL SEX!!

Follow along, and think, now. If He comes home, and makes love to you, and then

beats you up because of some minor infraction, like, dinner is late or wrong or

cold, and then finally asks you to forgive him, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!

OR, vice versa. He comes home,and beats you up, or calls you names and

humiliates you, and then he has sex with you, HE DOES  NOT LOVE YOU!

THIS IS NOT LOVING BEHAVIOR!

I guess I've gotten on a rant, here, but I have to have my say. There are too

many out there who have the mistaken impression that if somebody is willing

to sleep with you, they must love you. Wrong. These same individuals also will,

for the sake of that same "love" put up with the most downright unloving

behavior, attitudes, and cruel treatment, that it boggles my mind.

WHY? I know why. desperation. I have witnessed otherwise intelligent, beautiful

people walk right back into arrangements that were completely toxic, to them-

selves and their children, even after they had successfully extricated themselves,

and all because they were desperate to hang onto this person. It must be different

reasons for each one, but on the whole, it seems they are clutching at love.

Afraid to be alone, perhaps? Afraid of yet another failure? Wanting or needing

to show the world that they are a valuable person,worthy of love?

But, if you are worthy of love, doesn't it make sense to wait for the right person?

The one who will really treat you with the respect, understanding and loving

intrest you deserve?

So. I have asked a lot of questions, and given you, dear reader, a mirad of

interesting possibilities. AND WHY HAVE I DONE THAT?

Because. unless you have been living under a rock in the last few years, you know

that murder and mayhem in on the rise in the home, not just out on the streets,

Not anymore. It's getting frightening to me that our young women, particularly,

don't seem to have any sense when choosing a mate. Not that women have any

corner on the market. Men are doing it too. And they are just as vulnerable,

just as anxious to find love, just as able to be hurt as anyone else.

So, what's the upshot? The point of all my ramblings on the subject of love?

It is just this. There is a way, a guideline, to tell you when you might be hanging

around with the wrong person. A way to have a red flag come up in your mind,

that tells you, regardless of your FEELINGS, THAT THIS MATCH WON'T

WORK!

And, here it is...

LOVE SUFFERS LONG, AND IS KIND

LOVE ENVIES NOT

LOVE VAUNTES NOT ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP

LOVE DOES NOT BEHAVE ITSELF UNSEEMLY

LOVE SEEKS NOT THEIR OWN

LOVE IS NOT EASILY PROVOKED

LOVE THINKS NO EVIL

LOVE DOES  NOT REJOICE IN SIN,BUT IN THE TRUTH

LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS,

BELIEVES ALL THINGS,

ENDURES ALL THINGS,

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

EVEN NEW GAMES ARE OLD

THE OLD FLOWER AND FAIRY FILLED MACHINE HAS BEEN ACTING

BADLY TODAY. NO MATTER WHAT I'VE TRIED TO DO, IT BALKS AT EVERY

TURN. I SUPPOSE, IT IS ONLY RESPONDING TO MY MOOD. THINGS

HAVEN'T GONE PERFECTLY. USUALLY, THAT DOESN'T GET ME DOWN

BUT THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. SEE, I TRUSTED SOMEONE, AND THEY

LET ME DOWN. I FEEL BETRAYED, TO THE NTH DEGREE. THEY WERE

SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE. TO TAKE UP FOR ME, AND DO A JOB

THAT COULD POTENTIALLY GREATLY BENEFIT US BOTH. AND NOW,

I  FIND THAT WHAT WAS PROMISED, IS NOT THERE. I BEGIN TO

SUSPECT THAT I HAVE BEEN LIED TO.  ALL MY HARD WORK, IN VAIN.

AND YET, I CANNOT STOP. IF THERE IS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF

CHANCE THAT THIS THING MIGHT BE JUST AS IT WAS PORTRAYED,

DON'T I OWE IT TO MYSELF AND TO THEM TO SEE IT THROUGH?

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF I ALLOW IT TO GO ON, UNCHALLENGED,

AND IT TURNS OUT TO BE AS I SUSPECT, A SCAM, I WILL BE  FOOL IN

MY OWN EYES. ASSUREDLY, THIS WILL BE NOTHING NEW. IT WAS

EVER THUS. ALWAYS I HAVE TRUSTED. FREQUENTLY, TO MY OWN

DETRIMENT. USUALLY, IN THE PAST, IT WAS LOVE RELATIONSHIPS.

I FELL FOR LINES,BECAUSE THEY HAD ME AT HELLO. BUT, I FINALLY

GREW UP, GOT OVER THAT STUPIDITY, LEARNED TO LOOK BEYOND

NICE MANNERS, AND A CLEAN APPEARANCE.  I AM MORE DISCERNING.

MORE WARY. MY STANDARDS ARE WAY ABOVE AVERAGE.

AND YET, HERE I AM AGAIN. WONDERING IF I QUIT, WILL I BE SHOOTING

MYSELF IN THE FOOT, OR JUST GETTING OUT BEFORE THE RUG GETS

PULLED OUT FROM UNDER ME? BUT, NO. I DON'T NORMALLY THINK

THAT WAY. I SHALL PERSEVERE. YOU ONLY FAIL, IF YOU GIVE UP

TRYING, ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY SAY?

WELL, I HAVE BEEN TOLD  I AM VERY TRYING, VERY TONGUE-IN-

CHEEK...

EVEN BY THOSE WHO HAVE PROFESSED TO LOVE ME, AND THOSE WERE

THE VERY ONES WHO, BY MY PERCEPTION, LET ME DOWN. THE ONES

WHO I TRUSTED. WHO, IT TURNS OUT, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TRUSTED

AS FAR AS I COULD THROW THEM.

A LESS CONFIDENT PERSONALITY WOULD CAVE UNDER ALL THIS

PRESSURE AND DOUBT. HOWEVER, I AM MADE OF STERNER STUFF

THAN THAT. ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH, ADVANCE, ADVANCE,

ADVANCE! IN Stereo!

OUI?

THROUGH THE CLOUDS

I Stumbled out of my room, shaking off the dream I had just had. I stood in the body of the house, listening.All was dark and quiet, but for a distant soft snore. It had been a long, difficult day,but my two hour nap had refreshed me enough so that now, I could have some fun with the old flower and fairy filled machine.I got my drink, and meanwhile listened, as it spoke to me. I swear to you, my computer speaks. It says , Blammel-blammel. It's just loud enough to drown out the snoring. So, I sit back in the near dark, (because of course now the screen lights up some of the dinning room) and I go back, and revisit my dream. In it, I flew through the clouds. Like many of you, it is my favorite dream. In those clouds from that unusually lofty vantage point, I can see the world so clearly. I understand so much more than when I am awake, struggling through the day to day gooey-gob that life piles on us. Forget the money and the bills and the job. I mean the culture we find ourselves in, that rejects good, and embraces evil, and all in the name of entertainment, or worse,amusement. The literal translation of which, of course is, preventing thought.The biggest offender of that is, video games. Now, I have nothing against Mario. He flies too, and spits fireballs, and rids the world of monsters! No. I am concerned with graphicaly violent games, which I have seen parents allow little tiny kids to play, and then, have the nerve to be surprised when that same child is violent! "Where did that come from?" They ask, all wide-eyed and innocent. Hmmm. Where, Indeed? And, it only snowballs from there. But, come up into the clouds, and look down with me, for just a moment. If you take the blindeers off, and pay attention, you will see a world so influenced by evil, masked as fun, is it any wonder that as a society, we are under attack by evil? Sigh. I gaze at the Christmas tree, and on impulse, turn on the lights. It is small, but beautiful. As it blinks and twinkles merrily, I am reminded. All is not bleak. Ours is a world created gloriously, filled with wonders and promise.And if enough of us open our eyes to the source of our problems, with violence of every stripe, then can the appropriate ultimate solutions be far behind? But, there it is! Look up! Up through the clouds, and beyond!

OUI?