THOUGHTS AT THREE A.M.

LIVING ON A SHOESTRING VERSES LIVING AN ABUNDANT LIFE!

Once again, I see someone who is starting over. Well, actually she's been in this position for some time, and it never fails to amaze me how slowly others do these things. I'm not putting her down. I don't put anybody down who has to start over from nothing. I have been  there too many times for me to say anything other than, "what can I do to help?" But,they frustrate me.They will sit there in whatever shelter they have been able to acquire,whether it is two rooms or a whole house, and whatever they move in with...their fourteen boxes and a dishwasher, or whatever, and two months later, you go by to see how they are making out,and nothing is changed. The boxes are still unpacked, sitting  exactly where they left them the last time I was there. They are still sleeping on the floor,with no beds for the kids, or themselves, using sheets and stuff to cover the windows,eating out of cans with plastic and paper for silverware and dishes. Clothes and papers and garbage strewn everywhere, so you have to kick a path to go from room to room, and yet, if they have gained anything at all, it is usually a big screen t.v., and cable, a dog/puppy or cat/kitten or both wandering throughout at will, creating yet more noxious mess,and complicating an already tight budget with the pet food costs. I try to be supportive, and gently mention that the CAP agency has an outlet store that would be willing to help them find furnishings; beds, tables, chairs, dinnerware and cups and so forth to fill in the gaps,at little to no cost to them,and they turn up their lip at my suggestion. As though second hand isn't up to their standards. Well. Maybe not, but personally I would rather my child sleep in a second hand or used bed, than to be bedding down on the floor. Or couches,or two chairs pushed together, anything to keep them from sleeping on the floor, like it's some kind of flop house! If not for the parents sense of well being and comfort, at least for the children's sake, this woman should be putting forth an effort to make it home. I know she's traumatized,but let's face it. Situations don't get better if you crawl into a cave and lick your wounds and just wait for things to change. Action must be taken as soon as humanly possible to overcome the loss,and wipe it from your child's memory...and your own!

I'm speaking from experience here. I have had to start over many times in my life, the most recent being almost 14 years ago, when Yon son and I moved into the place we have now. We had only the car to move with,upon which we piled a t.v. and two beds. That is basically all we had, beyond our clothes and personal effects. We hit the outreach store, and yard-sales, and within a month, we had two sets of tables and chairs, for the kitchen and dinning room,couches, chairs and lamps and end tables. We got curtains on the windows and bookcases for our books and plants,and everything was unpacked,orderly and put away, and the boxes were gone. We had dishes, pots and pans and silverware to eat with, and food to cook decent meals with,and with no more money,( and probably a great deal less) than the ones I am currently concerned about. No, we didn't have a big television, nor did we worry about getting cable. What disturbs me about this whole affair is, she is more interested in having something to sit and stare at, when all around her is work to be done to make a proper home for her family, and she is so busy dwelling on the past, she has no interest in going forward. Her priorities are so messed up, that she apparently thinks she has done well to get the cable and television. Meanwhile, she's living in a dump of her own creation,and seems to be content to let it remain so. But I know she's not happy with it. Anytime I talk to her about it, she weeps. I am just as sorry as I can be for her,but I am no longer in a position, physically, to help her,and right or wrong, I suspect that if I could roll up my sleeves and dive in there and start unpacking boxes and organizing things,and contacting agencies to find the furniture necessary,she'd just sit there and let me do it all,rather than to be inspired to do it herself.

Of course, I am only a friend, not family, so it's really none of my business how she chooses to live,but it hurts me to see this going on. It's not like she moved out of a palace into this hovel, but she had a much nicer home before,and even though she was never a Betty Crocker,she used to at least make half-hearted attempts to keep the place livable.  She kept it clean, basically, and her children had clean clothes, and at least two hot meals a day. Now it's all catch as catch can, and the children string dry cereal and Cheeto's from one end of the place to the other,and she just sits there. Worst of all, I can see our friendship rapidly eroding, because we seem to have less and less in common all the time. I can hardly bare to see this going on. I'm thinking, I don't even want to go back there. I can't stand the smell. Under those conditions, how does one remain friends? I still love her personality, but I don't have the fortitude to be around her.If I could, I would overlook the mess, but it's so awful, it makes me sick to my stomach. To tell the truth, I haven't been there for some time, but Yon son has. Just a day or so ago, he happened by, and came home and told me about it. Nothing's changed.

So, I'm thinking, maybe what I'll do, is call and talk to her, like we used to talk. And this time, I won't pull any punches. Tell her straight out why I won't be over to visit, and encourage her to get up and start working on that home, for herself, for her kids, and so that we can still be friends.

But first, I am going to do a lot of praying about it, because I hate to hurt people's feelings. However, don't you think it's better that I wound her pride just a little bit, and take a chance that she will respond? I know it is highly likely that she will be offended, hate me for telling her the truth, and never speak to me again, but don't I owe it to our friendship to take that chance?

OUI?

SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES!!

"Spiritual wickedness in high places." It is one of those phrases I am so used to reading and hearing from the bible, warning of the end times, and frankly, I expected it to crop up,even from church members. Because even though we know Jesus is the son of God, and have been redeemed by his sacrifice, you don't really anticipate having it come back to you that brothers and sisters in the Lord will continue in sin. I mean, sure we all have our problems,and none of us are perfect...we are merely forgiven,through the blood of Jesus. But it is one thing to have a problem, and ask forgiveness. It is quite another to know when something is patently wrong, and then to go ahead and allow it, or endorse it anyway. Okay, there are some Grey areas. Some things aren't so obvious as others. We all know that some things are absolutely right, and some things are absolutely wrong. Agreed? Alright, so for those of us who are interested in where we will spend eternity,and even for onlookers who don't much care, but are watching what Christians do and don't do, isn't it up to us to keep an eye on what our church leaders are leading us into? Because I have to tell you that there is some literature coming out now days that is being espoused by some rather unsavory types, whom my unsaved friends are saying some very insightful things about, and I can't say that I disagree with them. Rick Warren was one that a buddy of mine said speaks in platitudes and cliche's...and what could I say?  He's right! Beyond that, I thought his book, "Purpose Driven Life" was sadly lacking in Biblical principle,and rather than being a tool to a victorious life, has the opposite effect, that of leading believers away from the Cross of Christ. Having been given the freedom of choosing whom to listen to, I used my free will from God to dismiss the purpose driven, for the spirit led.

Now, I am not saying that Rick Warren is wicked, but he does have a rather "High" place, lauded by all sorts, having written a best seller,particularly the world. And, as we all know, the world is hardly the best judge of whether one is delivering spiritual truth.

However, to my surprise, there are a number of other spiritual, or shall I say, in this instance, "religious" leaders who are looking to Mr. Warren's work as a viable alternative to the Bible....because it certainly does not point the way "To" the Bible,and a great many church members are following his lead,as their pastors have decided to go along with his ideas,and they will follow their pastors wherever they take them, unwilling to doubt, or question what is being told to them. I wonder why this is? Don't they know that when we come to the end, we are responsible for they way we went? You can't put it off on your pastor, saying that's what he told me. It's up to you to diligently seek the right way on your own.

OUI?

TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TO LOVE AND RESPECT THE LAW!!

Anyone whose been here before already knows that I love children, their parents, and almost anything that breathes. I say almost, because there are some creatures that give me the willies, but for the most part I am  a real softie for animals, and children, and people. Pet lovers seem to gravitate together, because my entire family was that way, and all our friends are like that too. So it was with great indignance a couple of years ago that the story broke that this local man was arrested for neglect of several horses. All the animal shelters from all over the area volunteered their time, energy and resources to collect the pitiful scrawny survivors of this man's cruel indifference,pay for the medical attention that it took to bring them back from starvation, and house and feed them back to health. There was a general outcry from the citizenry when the perpetrator was allowed to post bail and disappear without so much as a slap on the wrist.The general consensus of opinion was that this person should be watched over by the court, because anyone capable of such hard-hearted treatment of such beautiful creatures as horses, would be likely to do any dastardly thing to any creature unlucky enough to be under his thumb. However, the court said they did all they could do according to the law to punish him for his terrible deeds and once he escaped their custody, and did not show up for sentencing, they assumed he was gone from the area and very probably outside their district of influence, and after all, it was only horses that he had hurt and killed. Even so, a lot of us didn't give up! We called our state representatives, (or at least threatened to) and complained that the law should be changed. We pleaded for them to open their eyes and be able to connect the dots. Any man who can watch while horses owned by them are slowly starving to death, and not raise a finger to take better care of them has no right to have any sort of pet, or be "responsible" for a child, or have any sort of influence over anything smaller and weaker than he is. So here we are two years later, and a couple of weeks ago, this man's name and visage appeared on our television screens again. Only this time, an anonymous caller had tipped off the police that a woman on this man's property had drowned. Sure enough, when the cops investigated the matter, they did indeed find this man's wife, dead by drowning, next  to a pond, on his property! He quickly went from being a person of interest in the case, to being charged with murder.

The up side, of course, is that through that poor woman's passing, the law shall finally bring this person to justice, not only for what he did to his own wife, but for those poor creatures who suffered so horribly at his hands. And yet,if the law were written better, those horses could have been a "red flag" to the authorities, an indicator of what this person was capable of,and they might have been able to act upon this situation, and prevented her death.

Now, I know enough to realize that there is no such thing as preventive law. The law cannot save you. They can only punish those who have broken the law,regardless of how the police try to protect and serve, they can only go so far, because their hands are tied by the written law. And, the rights of every individual must be protected, because it is so easy to get someone into trouble,and so difficult to get out of it, if they are innocent. So, the law leans so hard on the side of the accused and defendant for that very reason.

Therefore, it can be very puzzling to try to explain to a child how a man such as the one I have sited to you can go about, doing bad things, and not get put in jail until he does something really awful, that can't be undone. There is rarely something more daunting than to look into those big innocent eyes and search your own mind for the words to say, when you are seething inside over the facts of the situation yourself.However, it is possible. First, of course, you must be able to see the situation not as a total disastar with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, but as an object lesson and an example of how human beings must learn to cope with the world as it is. Bad things happen. Evil does exist. There comes a point where even children must look about them with wisdom, and not be so protected that they are set up as victims from the onset of their life in the world....such as their first day at school, or the first trip they take to the store with someone who is not going to watch them as closely as their mother or father. They need to know, that should they be separated from their parents, who to go to, who they can trust, as a group, without having to know that person personally, such as a policeman, Sheriff, or a fireman...and not just one who says they are a cop or fireman, but one who drives that sort of car, wears that sort of uniform, and has that sort of badge. In this way, you can take the child's focus off the scary thing that happened, and put it on how this effects them,not in a selfish way, but constructively.

And finally, we must remind our children that there is a God in heaven who loves them, and that he allowed this to happen for a reason. Perhaps only to bring it to our attention that life is precious, and fragile,and every day should be lived as though it is our last, with joy and thanks,and love.

Remember:" This is a day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

OUI?

DEBUNKING THE MYTH THAT" CHILDREN CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO BE CLEAN!!"

Some time ago, a woman looked at a newborn baby and said,"children can't be expected to be clean!" Nobody argued, because there was the proof before their very eyes. But some people, mostly women, all mothers, believed it, and handed down this gem of wisdom from mother to daughter, for God knows how many generations. But with that wisdom, also came a warning, I believe, which has been lost. Which is this: "Children don't arrive clean,so don't expect them to be clean, However,it is your job to get them clean, keep them clean, and teach them to be clean!" So, why is it that some mothers, when their son or daughter's body,outfit or room is commented upon as being not clean, then trot out this phrase to use as an excuse? Everyone with a little smattering of brains knows that children create messes,and it takes all a mother's wit, strength,energy and resilience to stay on top of the messes. As the Red Queen said to "Alice", in the book by the same name,"..in wonderland."

" IT takes all the running you can do just to stay in the same place! In order to get anywhere, you have to run twice as fast!"

No one knows better than I, that a mother takes it as a personal affront to be told her child is dirty. She knows how many times she has wiped off that little face,and changed that shirt all in the space of two hours, in anticipation of a guest for lunch! But then is not the time to just throw up your hands,and give up. Sooner or later, the child will begin to get the drift, but if you give up on him or her before you see them responding to your example,the lessons will be lost forever. This sells the children short, and they will feel the loss of that knowledge keenly the rest of their lives. Yes, it can be a hard row to hoe. You may find yourself running incessantly for years behind a child who just doesn't seem to see the point behind all that bathing and washing and the like. Yon son never had a chance to resist his nightly bath. They started when he was a baby and by the age of two or three, the bath before bedtime was firmly ingrained in his routine...so that when I went back to work, if my mother forgot to bathe him, and I wasn't home yet, he would go in and start his bath water himself! Imagine my surprise when my next door friend had to forcibly bathe her three year old, with the threat, " Tonight you ARE taking a bath!!" I got the definite impression that this was not a daily activity, but perhaps something new I had unwittingly shamed her into, after she stopped by several days in a row...(Just at dinner time, imagine that) and Yon son was always fresh from the tub, running around in spotless pajama's, and slippers, with wet hair! And her child was( day after day ) grimy from head to foot.

When they become teens, you may find yourself quietly closing that kid's bedroom door when you know company is coming, and not putting his or her room on the nickle tour,and having to fall back on witticisms such as :"well, you know, a little boy is a loud noise surrounded by dirt!" But one day, it will all be worth it. The wisdom of the ages tells us that "If you train up a child in the way they should go, when they are old(er) they will not depart from it."

This does not just pertain to spiritual matters. This impacts every aspect of a person's life,and a big part of that life is going to involve cleanliness. Morally, personally, spatially. Now, unless you want your sons and daughters to turn into filthy pigs, you have to take steps to prevent it! It's just as simple as that. Don't make excuses for them when they are small,  and then expect them to be neat and clean when they grow up. Without your intervention, and constant,consistent urgings, it just isn't going to happen!

And, don't think that you can make this argument to avoid  having to keep them, yourself or your dwelling clean, declaring it a losing battle, because parents who do that  are just trying to keep from having to do the work! Not only must the work of cleaning, bathing and laundry be done, but you must also teach them how to do it, and put them to work helping you do it. They may balk, gripe and scowl, but you must persist, for otherwise, they will never learn,and I have seen grown children who never learned, and believe me, the sight is not a pretty one! Your kids may not seem to notice or care now whether they, or their home is clean or dirty, but trust me, they will take their cue from you!

So, let's just suppose you gave up on them, and twenty years in the future, your son or daughter comes to you and says, Mom, you did this to me! I can't keep a job, I can't find a good mate, and it's all your fault,because you didn't teach me any better!

But wait! Let's turn that around. You stay after them,even though it seems to be useless. You keep after them to bathe, cut their hair, shampoo often, brush their teeth, wash their hands after each trip to the bathroom, and always wear clean clothes...and a little washing and ironing, and cooking and cleaning isn't going to hurt even your boy's lives either. For every grumble or scowl or complaint, you automatically come back with..." I'm not going to be around to pick up after you when you're twenty-one, you know. You've got to learn to take care of yourself." And," Taking out the trash is just another form of weight lifting!" ha ha. And to the old, " Why do I have to learn to cook? I'm a guy!" Yeah, well, I'd just as soon know you can do things for yourself, so that you don't marry the first girl who'll have you, just so you have someone to take care of you!" That usually stops the rest of the argument. And twenty or so years in the future, when you least expect it, your son or daughter steps up to you and says, " Thanks Mom. I am so glad you made me appreciate a clean home, clean clothes,and the feeling of being clean! I just ran into John, and I gotta tell you, I am so glad I didn't turn out like him. He is a slob,and his house is a pit,and he just lost another job because he won't take a bath!"

John. I remembered him, and his mother. She was so caught up in other things, she had no time to keep after her kids, and teach them how to be clean. It was easier to just do it herself, than teach them how. She always told me there would be time, later, when they were grown up, to have a nice long talk with them,and she would straighten it all out then. John's mother died a few years back..poor thing...and I don't guess she ever got around to that talk. Not that it would have made any difference, because her house was always a pit, anyway. And children don't learn by the don't do as I do, do as I say routine. What the parents do in moderation, the children will do to excess! In thinking about John's mother, I shook my head and sighed,but Yon wasn't done yet. He went on and on,telling me what a wonderful mother I was, and what a great job I had done in training him to be neat and clean and self-sufficient,and it got a little strange,until I started to blush and laugh and said stop! Stop! So he came over,and kissed the tip of my nose,and finally went back to what he had been doing,and so did I...but with a warm glow inside. Such praise from my boy,after all those years of struggling. I felt such a relief, I sighed again. It hadn't been all for nothing.

Children will rise to your level of expectation. I have proof! If you expect nothing, you will get nothing. But if you expect them to be wonderful, decent, clean,helpful, thrifty, brave,reverent human beings,with a good work ethic,and not lazy filthy slobs, that's exactly what you're going to get,just so long as you never give up on helping them to attain that goal....with Love.

OUI?

A LULLABYE MY FATHER USED TO SING TO ME...

You're the end of the rainbow, my crock of Gold-

You're Daddy's little girl, to have and to hold-

a precious Gem is what you are-

You're mommy's bright and shining star!

You're the spirit of Christmas- My star on the tree-

You're the Easter Bunny, to Mommy and me-

You're sugar, You're spice, you're everything nice-

And you're Daddy's little Girl!

(Repeat about twelve times, until girl stops giggling and falls asleep)

OUI?

PARENTS WHO CAN'T TALK TO THEIR KIDS, OR ARE AFRAID OF THEM, MAKE ME WANT TO CHEW NAILS!

I don't know which makes me more angry. The parents who can't or don't talk to their kids about things that bother them, or the ones that whine that they are afraid to tell their kids something because they will be mad at them! Naturally, up to a certain age, you don't tell your children when you are worried about bills, or some of the other plain realities of life, because they are too young to take it in, or appreciate the fact that mom and dad are people with problems just like everybody else. But beyond that, children are amazingly resilient and understanding when you tell them, " I'm sorry, but we just don't have enough money to do that this time." I mean, it's not like your telling them you are a murderer or a drug pusher if you have to admit that you are broke. And yet, I have watched people lie to their kids, and go through all kinds of rounds to get enough money together to buy  some new video game...or a whole new system the child has their heart set on for their birthday, and go without themselves, rather than tell the child the truth. Well, sorry to say this, but I can't be friends with people like that anymore. It's too painful to watch, and it brings out a side in some that I just can't abide. Not only do they become deceitful and manipulative, but they reach a point where even breaking the law is no big deal, as long as they can get what they want. Doubly painful, because they are setting themselves up for real heartache later on in life. Sooner or later, the truth is bound to come out,and when it does, that child will not be the slightest bit impressed, other than to think that mom or dad is an easy mark,and all that matters is what "I" want, and mom or dad will be there with the cash, no matter what they have to do to get it. This is not a good thing. This is a very,very bad thing. The people I am thinking about went all the way around Robin Hood's barn to make money to keep their kids in the lifestyle to which they aspired. They didn't have the money in the bank, but they would kite checks to get the money, to spend for that toy! They would cheat the landlord,saying they didn't have enough on their paycheck to pay the rent,and then run right out and spend that rent money on some foolishness for the kid. Meanwhile, Yon son and I would be limping along on my income to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, and his birthdays weren't always spectacular,but he always had a sense of security knowing we weren't going to be evicted for non-payment of rent, or arrested for theft, or find ourselves without food. And it didn't matter to him what he got for his birthday, whether it was a card and a toy, or a big party with lots of presents, because he always knew he had love. Over the years, he and I have seen these families and their little secretive games being played out, and it has always been an object lesson for him, and taught him to be grateful that when I would worry about money,and not being able to give him all those wonderful things I knew he wanted,that I would sit down with him and say," Honey, this is the way it is. This is what I got on my check, this is what is going out for this and this and this,and this is what I have left to spend on your birthday." Sometimes he would whoop for joy,and his eyes would come out on three inch stalks,and we would laugh and be happy. And, sometimes, he would hug me,and pat my shoulder and say, "That's okay mommy. Don't cry. Whatever you give me for my birthday will be fine,and I will love it, because I know you love me. We are together. That's the important thing." I learned early on that the one thing you don't do is promise something and then break it. I never broke a promise to him, because I never made promises I couldn't keep. I believe it is this open frankness that has made our relationship so rewarding, and has caused other parent /child relationships to be so dreadful, because this one thing has been lacking. And, sadder yet, the whole relationship does not change when the child becomes an adult. In my families relationship it has been great, but sorry to say, in others it has not turned out so well. Those who went to the mat to scrape up money to spoil their kids, now find they still have a spoiled kid. Now, however,it is no longer a question of just fancy birthday presents and expensive everything. Now, it's a case of, I have to have this money on hand, just in case she calls and needs me to bail her out of jail,or pay her fines, or give them money for their kids birthday presents, or they will be mad at me! Say what? Excuse me? Well now, wait a minute. Who is the parent, and who is the child here? If they are old enough to have kids of their own, then they should be responsible for their own birthday gifts, bail money and fines,and who cares if they are mad at you? What ever happened to mom or dad being mad at them for getting themselves into trouble? Like any other parent, I would be hurt and upset if Yon son called me from jail (knock on wood,God forbid!) and needed me to come up with money to bail him out. I would be awfully worried about him being in such a terrible place, but he knows as well that I don't have the kind of money to bail him out, and if he were stupid enough, or unlucky enough to get himself arrested, he would have to look someplace else for his bail. And if and when he did make bail and come home with an attitude, expecting me to cry and be oh so sorry I didn't raise the money for him, he would find himself vastly disappointed to hear the earful I would be giving him! My son,mad at me? That'll be the day! He wouldn't dare pull a stunt like that,and he knows it! There would a mushroom shaped cloud right over my house,and the neighbors would be running the other direction, just to avoid getting involved in the fall-out! So, believe me when I say that it just makes me grind my teeth to hear these parents wimp out and knuckle under to their kids. I know I have heard a lot about role reversal between parent and child,and I would be lying through my teeth if I pretended that it never happened in my life. There were times when  my mother needed my help dreadfully, and I gave it, freely and happily, out of love. There have been times since Yon son has been an adult that he has helped me tremendously,and the attitude has been the same. That is what families do,and there is nothing more important than family.

But for a child to turn on their parents, or singular, mother or father, and treat them as though they owe them something for being born, that is just wrong,and to my way of thinking, not to be borne. And if the child isn't smart enough, or well bred enough to know these things, then the parent should at least have the back-bone enough to stand up to that brain-damaged young whelp and put them in their place, and not let it go,because when off-spring are allowed to run over the top of their parents unchecked, that is when elder abuse takes place. First you shrug it off when your kids raise their voice to you, and then they get bold and raise their hand to you! And all it really takes, is a parent who, from little on, had control over their child enough to say, " How dare you speak to me that way? I am your mother! Now settle your act down and use a civil tone of voice, or leave, Now!" And then, if they do leave, you have probably saved yourself from watching your child turn into an animal. What a terrible prospect. But nine times out of ten, that child will be reminded of who they are,and who you are, and will sit down and behave themselves.

Now there is another side of this coin that needs to be addressed, but,thank goodness, it is not my sort of problem, but I see it amongst Sherry's friends all the time, and it is this. A parent, getting on in years, widowed, or widower, who is seeing someone who is never mentioned or discussed in front of the person's children. I'm not gong to tell them about my boyfriend, or girlfriend, because they would not like it,and would tell me to stop seeing them. What? Excuse me again, but whose life is this, anyway? I cannot fathom what it is with some older folks, wanting their children's approval. Do they think that if they take up with the wrong man or woman, that their children will no longer love them? Doubtful. Do they imagine they won't be allowed to see their grandchildren? Perhaps, but highly unlikely. Although, there have been instances where the adult children do try to wield power over their parent's heads with these sorts of silly threats, generally those attempts at juvenile tantrum-like behaviors tend to vanish when Mother shows up on the doorstep, with "Uncle Bob" in tow, with an armful of goodies at Thanksgiving or Christmas,and the grandchildren run screaming "Grama!" towards her,and fling their arms around her! In the face of that scene, is the daughter then going to order her mother and her boyfriend out of the house? No. Not unless she is prepared to live with some very unpleasant names her children will then label her with. It's called, calling her bluff,and it works, 90% of the time. On the off chance that it doesn't, of course, there is always Mrs. Ah's perfect, works-every-time parting shot,One of those I'm-so-glad-she -never- used- it- on- me-things, just before she flings her cape over her shoulder, and stalks out the door in high dudgeon! She would fix you with a blue-green steely eye, and in ringing, though somber tones intone:

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth, is an ungrateful child!"

That always brought any childish tantrum threats to a screeching halt, toot-sweet!

OUI?

TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN GOES ON ALL YOUR LIFE!

Originally this started out to be a simple "three beautiful things" piece,and, while it still, in essence is just that, I realized while organizing my thoughts, to do the subject justice,it must be done as a great deal more. So,with a tip of the hat to TBT, AND  an apology, (sorry Claire) I have to say that putting in a garden can be a very important part of every person's growth. Several years ago, Yon son and I got a chance to put in a tiny garden when we rented the lower apartment of my step-fathers building. Mom and "Dad" lived upstairs. I was married to Tom...basically a man who worked hard all week long,and on the week-ends turned into a recliner situated in front of the television,who drank beer and burped, and watched ball games. So, if I was to have any help at all with the garden, Yon son would have to do it. We got the go ahead from Dad to do it, with the encouraging words, Yeah, go ahead, but nothing will grow back there, that's where we used to empty the ash-can. But with diligence and lots of work and miracle grow and prayer, we planted our seeds,and filled in top-soil, and stood across the alley from our little plot of ground, and admired it as a whole, every evening, every morning. Soon we had a dwarf willow tree,and flowers and pumpkin vines growing so vigorously that we had to work to keep them contained on the soil,and not go straying into the alley! And, we had a blast doing it! It was the first time in Yon son's life that we were able to have a garden we could see come to fruition,and he never got over what a wonderful experience it was, but he also knew it was a lot of work,and required a lot of attention.

So, it was with great expectancy that we moved to the downstairs of this building. We lived upstairs for several years,and watched as our downstairs renter played with his yard. His was the yard,the garage,and the parking space next to the garage.Such were the perks of being the downstairs tenant.We would sit out on the back porch in the summer, in the cool of the evening and gaze at his patch of flowers, and beautiful lawn and dream, wishing we had a way to turn the fallow garden spot into something akin to what we had had once before, in that other place. Although we never for a moment allowed ourselves to go as far as jealousy, and did not expect there would ever come a day when we would have a chance to bring those dreams to light, we did speak softly of how nice it would be to have that spot, fully four times the size of our other garden, to grow tomatoes, and lettuce,and squash and corn, and pumpkins. Take out some of the silly stuff he had in the yard, and put in rose bushes,and a bird-bath.And around the bird-bath, pansies,and petunias and coleus, astors,zinnias and marigolds.Our list was huge,and we dreamed big, but we never dreamed we would ever have an opportunity to do those things,and we never breathed a word to anyone else of our aspirations. So it came as a great surprise to us, when one day the man down stairs,and the landlord had a shouting match that could be heard all over the neighborhood, complete with threats and slamming doors,and revving engines and squealing tires! Even more surprising when we were informed that the man downstairs was leaving and would we like to take the apartment. Before I knew it, we were moving, and I was in possession of a yard,with room for a garden! That first year, we put in a late garden,and it really didn't do very well because of that. Yon son was very disappointed,and was fairly out of the notion of even considering a garden the next year, or even the next. But every year I would get the catalogs and make my list of things I wanted to put in,but it was all I could do to drag him out to purchase my rose bushes, and my bird-bath,gardening gloves, and the rake and hoe and other utensils, and plant food and rose food. As is my usual way, the more disinclined he seemed to be, the more I dug in my heels and determined to do this thing. So, this year I started early. Just after the first of the year, I dragged out my catalogs and began making my plans for this year's garden. Unlike previous times, I made my list,and then talked to Yon son about the wonderful foods we so love in the summer. Tomatoes. Lettuces. Corn. Squash,and Pumpkins. I reminded him how much fun it was to have that previous garden,and how great it is to have your own tomatoes, from your own garden,and how marvelous it is to be able to pick them at the peak of perfection, and not have to settle for either old mushy tomatoes that have sat on the shelf too long, or for woody, flavorless stuff you buy at the store. He reminded me how heartbreaking it was to have a lovely, prize pumpkin that we spotted,and babied and admired all season long, only to have it stolen from our tiny patch the night before Halloween. That is when I played my trump card. Yes, But, with this garden space, if we start early, we can prepare the ground right, and put in enough seeds to assure that there will be enough, even with poachers, to make it all worthwhile. I could see by the look on his face that I had made my point, not just about the pumpkin, but about the tomatoes. We use a lot of tomatoes,and for the most part, they are, to put it bluntly, a disappointment. He knew as well as I that the only way to make sure that we could enjoy every salad, every big burger, every batch of pepper steak,or spaghetti sauce, was to have fresh garden tomatoes. Then I started talking about his fabulous squash soup,and how difficult it is to find acorn squash fresh enough to have it come out right. And, the sweet corn. You can't tell if what you are buying at the store is sweet corn or field corn, until you taste it. If it's field corn, he will eat it anyway, but to me, it's either give it to him, or just throw it out. But, what cinched it, I believe was the pumpkin. He never quite got over that pumpkin,and it will prey on his mind until he has a good episode...another prize pumpkin he can help me turn into several pies, bars and other goodies to get past that first incident. Well, somewhere along the line, during those myriad talks, Yon son revived that spark that lit a fire in both of us to throw our energies into the garden,and he is being so attentive to the garden that it is just really producing well. We've had tomatoes now whenever we wanted them for weeks,and not just for our own use, but for others as well. Such as Sherry, and the poor old soul who lives upstairs now. The corn is doing well,and we should be able to harvest a few ears by the end of the month,but the squash is doing so well, Yon son brought in two beautiful ones today,one of which we cooked and had for lunch. Oh! I have always liked acorn squash, but when you pick it fresh out of the garden, split, clean and wave it with butter and salt and pepper within minutes of being on the vine,it is amazing! So delectable, and so reassuring to know that there are no pesticides, no wax on it, just good nourishing food it was meant to be. Yon is once more so invigorated over the garden, he is now talking seriously about doing some canning this fall. I think it's a fine idea, but I am leaning more towards a freezing system, so we can stock the freezer. Either way, I am just glad that I was able to encourage my son to employ yet another way to provide for his family. Even now, he is planning to put beans in next year,and who knows how large the garden will be then? All I know,is that I did not let that one bad experience stand, and leave a sour taste in his mouth, scotching forever his ability to drastically cut his food budget, by growing his own food, as we have this summer. He now knows, without my having to spell it out for him, how rewarding it is to be able to live off the land the Lord has provided. I've taught him to hunt spring and fall mushrooms,and how to cook them. How to fish, clean and cook the fish.And now fruits and vegetables. He now understands that hunting,fishing, and gardening are not just pastimes, they are the basics necessary to provide food for yourself and your family. Something that most men and women in this day and age do not understand. Most in our society today consider these things hobbies,and spend an extraordinary amount of time and energy on cultivating things that, where they may be pretty, have no nutritional, or medicinal value. Oh, yeah, I can see you pointing your fingers and  and saying Aha! over my roses, but did you  know that rose hip tea is very soothing to a sore throat? Anyway, my point is, parents shouldn't stop teaching their children how to be self-sufficient until the job is done. Now I don't know how, nor pretend to have any interest in hunting game, simply because even if I had a gun, and could find a deer, I don't think I could bring myself to shoot it, unless I was really, really hungry. And I am certainly not going to expect my child to try to do something I cannot do. But the truth is, times are going to get hard,and when they do, stores will not have the food. You and your children are going to have to find food on your own.Personally, I can live on a diet of fish, mushrooms, fruits and vegetables, and bread. So can Yon son. He also knows how to store flour and the other staples necessary to make bread,and he knows how to bake bread.We're packing the freezer, and storing water.

You, surely are aware that things are becoming tighter all the time,and if you haven't taught your children that food is important to life, and that it doesn't grow on store shelves, then you have some work to do. Think about it. With  gas prices getting so high, and so much of the foods you are accustomed to having available being brought in, trucked in from all over the country,it won't be long before a lot of it will either be too costly to purchase, or simply not there. Anywhere.

OUI?

ESCAPING FROM LEBANON!!

The family of  a local girl, 13 year old Mais Zahde have been through a terrifying week. While she was visiting with family in Lebanon,as we all know , war broke out. Her Mother was featured on the news, weeping and wailing, worried over the fate of her daughter,and every night on the evening news we were treated to an update of Mais, and her mother. Finally, on Saturday or Sunday, after days and days of no contact with her daughter, they reported to Mais mother that her daughter was on board a ship, bound for the states! Then, finally, Thursday night, Mais mother was notified she needed to be in Chicago Friday morning at O'Hare Airport, to meet her daughter's plane. A Quad Cities news crew was on hand to see,and capture the images of the joyous reunion! Oh Happy day! Everyone watching had to have been moved to see that mother embrace her child, weeping and clutching the girl in her arms,while cameras flashed,and tapes rolled. Even I got fairly misty-eyed,and puddled up,knowing the emotion that goes through a mother whose child is returned to her safely, from the midst of such a world shaking conflict.

However. One has to ask, as I have been privately asking every day since the news broke on television, what was this mother thinking when she sent her daughter, her 13 year old daughter, alone, unaccompanied, into a country so close to Israel,and in such a dangerous part of the world? If this visit had to take place, then why wasn't she there, with her child? If she loves her daughter so much, then what could the reason possibly be, to send that child, alone?

I know I shall never get a satisfactory answer, but it certainly is a good question, isn't it?

OUI?

AN UPLIFTING TALK WITH MY NEWBORN...

Come into my arms, now, you adorable little creature,now that we're alone,and let mommy count again,your fingers, and toes, your eyes and your nose. I've looked you all over, from stem to stern,but I've yet to learn just exactly how you work. Now I have things to tell you,and please, don't think me a jerk,but somehow they've mislaid your handbook...and believe me, I've searched! It's not on the bottom of your feet, or strapped to your ankle either, I even stroked my fingers through your fluffy hair,and peeked into your ears, hoping for directions, but the angels, or the nurses here, all of them just dears, but somehow they've forgotten to bring your owners manual down...and when I ask them,they just smile,as tho I'll soon discover, where it might be found. So,here's what we're going to do, my sweet little baby dear,we'll get together every day,just as close as close can be, and we will reason this thing out, together, you and me.And between the time I bathe you,and fill your tummy full, we will ask him who gave you to me,my fears to lull. After all, he made you, and loves us both you see, so if anybody knows the right way to do all this "Mommy" stuff, of course it would be He. I know I am crooning softly, but when I look into your big blue eyes, I see you are awfully wise, and understand my meaning,for now your eyes are getting heavy, and the lids are falling closed, as tho you know that you can trust me to guide you, while listening to the one who knows!And when I rock you in my arms,and then lift you to my shoulder,and pat your back and bubble you, I can feel a gentle hand on mine,and hear a whisper soft,as you begin to grow warm and heavy, while to sleep you go, I become aware the whisper will not fade,but will grow as you grow. And the handbook was delivered, just as you came to me. Not on paper, but on my heart,written there, with great care, by the hand of Love. Sleep on, my darling cherubim, sleep on my wingless angel,now my fear is gone,for I just found, Your mommy, she is Able!

Praise God!

OUI?

WHY I RESISTED READING "DEEP END OF THE OCEAN"!!

The very first time I heard about this book, I was like a lot of you, never heard of it, until Oprah announced it as one of her picks for her book club. I was instantly turned off by the very idea of reading it, because it was just exactly what I didn't want to re-live...a mother's worst nightmare...her child, gone missing! I have had years of that threat haunting me, and I certainly didn't want any of that revived! I honestly don't know which is worse. The threat, and living with knowing that at any moment someone you know...intimately...and used to trust, has vowed to take your child from you..."when you least expect it.." Or, having it happen out of the blue, suddenly, with no warning whatever! Either way is horrible, unspeakably cruel and fills a mother with anxiety. I would like to say that since Yon son is now a grown man, that is all in the past, but, it never really is, is it? Haven't we all heard of grown people being abducted just recently? So, yes, the thought, for the most part has receded, but is never too far from the surface of my thought processes. So, when this book was announced, I just jerked my head away,and it was the one book I never asked for at the Library. Likewise, when the movie came out, I again, did not ask for it, because A. I never read the book, and I prefer to read the book before seeing the movie,and B. Worrisome tear jerkers are not my genre of choice!

And then, Yon son, and wifey-poo went shopping, and brought goodies. Cat toys for Molly,a new algae eater for the fish tank, (which they named " Jumpy" since it jumped from the clerks bag, into another tank to avoid being taken away!) and about 5 new DVD's for me to watch...one of which was the  movie " Deep End Of The Ocean." I thanked them for everything, and turned a blind eye to that movie, thinking, okay, it's here, but that does not mean I have to watch it. But, around here, that is easier said than done, especially since She went back over the road yesterday,and we miss her terribly, and I woke up this morning with a leg cramp not to be believed, and had to first thing choke down a HUGE potassium pill, and eat and run blood sugar,and take more pills,and wasn't ready to go back to bed when Yon son hit the sack. Well! I have seen all the other movies,and wasn't ready for the French open..or the America's cup..or whatever game they have decided to run instead of normal Saturday morning programing which I am used to, and rather fond of, to be perfectly frank. I kind of like " Tutenstein" and "Kenny the Shark!" But, I had to watch something, and since the video room is now so overfilled I can't get my wheelchair in there right now, I had to rely upon what was available. And what was available, was...you guessed it " Deep End Of The Ocean!" Now, I am going to interrupt myself here, and tell you that I could have sat up and read, but, no I couldn't  because when I try to read when I am already sleepy, even while sitting up in my chair, I have been known to fall asleep,and wake up three, four hours later, with the book on the table, my glasses on the floor, a hideous pain in my neck, and my hair in my eyes! It seems I have a tendency to fall forwards! Thank God the table keeps me in the chair!

So, I was literally forced to watch this movie! My review follows, in the next blog. Hmmm. It seems I am forced to do that too! And yet, I have not changed my mind, or my standards! I still didn't read the book! Or...Oh wait..!

OUI?