ACCUSATIONS OF THOUGHTLESSNESS AND SPOUSAL ABUSE!

If the accusation comes from the spouse who feels themselves abused,then one must ask the question; " Is it enough that they feel abused, or should there be proof of the abuse, and if so, what form should the proof take?" Is thoughtlessness enough to constitute  abuse? Is simple thoughtlessness enough? He forgot your birthday, or anniversary. Is that abuse, or just forgetfulness? If it is abuse, should it be labeled as such for one time, or does it have to be habitual, happening over a period of years? To be fair, one must consider intent. If the offending spouse knows their spouse wishes or expects an action commemorating  a special day, and does nothing, knowing the lack or omission will be hurtful to their spouse,then yes, that is spousal abuse.Certainly,if it is repeated time after time, with no effort on the part of the offending spouse to make amends, then that is enough to constitute mental and/or emotional abuse. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that a man or wife grew up in a home where the parents did not display affection. Birthday cakes, gifts, cards, and kisses were a rarity,and even the mere mention of the phrase "I love you" were not heard. Then, as that person became an adult, and felt the urge to marry, it would be abnormal for that person to suddenly turn around and be affectionate. The desire to please their spouse may be there, but from the way they were reared,they would lack the mental capacity, or the emotional wherewithal to do so. Although this situation is unusual, it is not unheard of. I have known of a person who had this sort of upbringing, and it is not that persons fault,entirely. However, for the couple to actually reach the point where they got married,without the person's intended detecting  something was missing in their displays of affection, is highly unlikely. Somewhere along the line, there would be a sensation that something was wrong. Yet, in the case that I am thinking of, the spouse, in this case, a man, was able to feign loving behavior enough to convince his bride-to-be of his love. In this instance, the man was at fault, and set out to make the girl fall in love with him, for the sole purpose of having her for his own. He did not love her, he desired her to be his possession. She was a beautiful young woman in every way. Chic, curvaceous,and admired by many men,with a sparkling personality, outgoing, smart and charming,with a glamorous job that brought her in contact with a high profile social circle every day. She dressed beautifully, and she was poised. He simply had to have her. While they dated, she unwittingly taught him how to win her over. He learned the right things to say, and how to treat her,to convince her that they were meant to be together.He went to church with her,pretended to like everything that she did, and even swore he was anxious to settle down, and have a home and children. That was the chink in her armor. Somehow he had found out that what she wanted most was to be married,and have babies,and that she was saving herself for marriage. She was a Virgin,at the age of 19. That cinched it for him. He would do anything to have her. He was a perfect gentleman, and shyly confessed that he was in love with her,while on their knees in church one day. She fell for it like a ton of bricks. Straight after church, they went to her parents house,and in front of the whole family he asked for her hand in marriage, first to her father, and then once he had his consent, he got down on one knee, and proposed to her. Six months later, they were married,in a big church wedding,with all the trimmings, reception, and a wonderful honeymoon.Soon after, he grew cold,and he informed her that he didn't have to do that "stuff" anymore,meaning kissing hello and goodbye, cards, hugging, and saying I love you,or any other displays of affection,including gifts,and, he could" have" her any time he wanted. He said, "You're mine now. There's nothing you can do about it."

Now, that is premeditated "thoughtlessness, and spousal abuse!"

OUI?